


Surprises

by abraxos_is_toothless



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, But also, F/M, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Graphic Smut, Swearing, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Drinking, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence, and put warnings in the notes, i'll update tags later, might be more smut later?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24575203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abraxos_is_toothless/pseuds/abraxos_is_toothless
Summary: I’m not good at summaries so- Elain and Azriel have a drunken one night stand with no memories of the night before apart from brief flashes. Little did they know their choices were going to have the biggest impact on their lives
Relationships: Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 73
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a fic about teenage pregnancy, I will try my hardest to get everything as accurate as I can during this but if something isn’t right or I need to change anything do let me know!
> 
> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.
> 
> I started this on tumblr and I'm now uploading all the current chapters here. I try to update weekly but that might not always be the case.

Gods above, he had barely even opened his eyes and he just knew that last night was definitely a mistake. Azriel was not, under any circumstances, going to allow  Rhysand and Cassian to throw that big of a party again. Ever. Idiots. 

Pain killers. Those would help, with a large dose of caffeine and a side of bacon. Lots of it. Walking across to the bathroom was harder than he thought it would be as everything seemed to be spinning. Az cranked the heat of the shower up high just the way he liked and began stripping while he waited. Only then did he realise that all he was wearing was a pair of boxers, yet these were not the ones he originally had on. The brute he called a brother was so very dead. He never forgot the events of a party ever, because he never got that drunk, but Rhys just had to bet him that he couldn’t do more shots that he could. He’d ask what happened when he could function as a normal human being again. 

Azriel decided to clean himself up quicker than he usually would, still feeling  too drunk to stand. Reaching up for his shampoo on one of the higher shelves had him letting out a hiss as pain radiated from his shoulders and back. Christ, what the hell had he been doing? Ignoring whatever it was he got back to the task at hand, and after about ten minutes he was stepping out of the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist. Waking over to the mirror by the sink, he turned his back towards it trying to get a look at what damage could have been  infl —

Shit. Fuck. 

Scratch marks. Stretching from the top of his shoulder blades, down towards the small of his back. It was there he found the crescent moon shapes that were dug into his hips. Mother above, what the hell had he done? Quickly finishing up in the bathroom he went back to his room to dress so he could go ask his shithead brothers some much needed questions. But as he walked past his unmade bed that’s when he spotted it; the spotting of blood on the sheet of his bed. Oh, this was not good. Not good at all. 

Azriel pulled of the sheets as fast as his body would allow, stopping off to put them in the washer as he made his way to the kitchen. His mind was still whirling with explanations for the already suggestive evidence as he walked through the door into the kitchen. Cass had his head down on the marble counter making small mumbling sounds while Rhys, the smug bastard, was just stood at the counter sipping from his coffee as if he hadn’t pushed himself to a near blackout the night before. Nesta  Archeron , Cassian’s girlfriend and older sister to  Feyre , the love of  Rhysand’s life- or so he said -stood over the stove cooking eggs and bacon. God bless the scariest woman alive. 

“Where did you wander off to last night, brother?” Rhys said as Nesta handed him an over flowing plate of food he would no doubt demolish in seconds. “Yeah,” this time a mumble from Cass “one minute you were all  smushed up and chatting with  Lainy in the corner, the next you were both walking up the stairs.” He remembered someone trying to start up a game of spin the bottle but having always hated that game, he decided he’d disappear upstairs for a while but as he turned to leave- yes, he was with Elain. She had looked uncomfortable at the thought of having to interact so he offered if she’d like to ditch and they could go hang out in his room or something. They knew each other because their siblings were dating but didn’t get the chance to ever speak really, this was his chance to learn more about her and hopefully make her feel a bit less awkward. Az recalled making it to his room, taking several different bottles of alcohol along the way. They spoke for a little bit knocking drinks back as they went. He was vaguely aware of them going to the bed to watch TV, a head on his shoulder and the very strong sent of roses. Hands were moving and there was a gasp as he turned his face towards hers.

And that’s when a memory hit him. 

_ Panting breaths in his ear. Warm lips on his. Hands on his shoulders, his back, and then a sharp stinging sensation followed by overwhelming pleasure. Everything felt warm and soft and so gods damn good he didn’t want it to end. There were small whimpers to which he asked with a heavy strain in his voice, “Are you alright?” He got a small nod and then a small soft voice breathed “Yes. I promise. Just go slow.”  _

Someone waving their hand in front of his face, clicking their fingers, brought him out of his memories and he looked to see Nesta glaring at him. “I’ve been trying to ask you how you want your eggs for at least five minutes an answer would be good now, or I’ll let you starve.” He swallowed, trying not to get on her bad side and replied with “Sorry  Nes , uh scrambled please?” She just nodded and turned back to the stove while Cassian just seemed to watch her with a dreamy smile on his face. He could still feel all of the sensations from that memory as if it was happening now. Azriel already thought he knew what had happened but he tried to push it to the back of his mind. This could not be happening. He tried to make his brain work and tell him how that situation could have even happened but he came up with nothing, absolutely nothing. Rhys was still watching him, waiting for an answer to his previous question so Az pushed back against the raging thoughts of his mind and replied “Elain needed to use the bathroom, but she mentioned that idiot Graysen had been watching her all night and didn’t want to walk up there alone, so I walked her there to keep him away if he tried to follow.” The lie was easy enough and it stopped the death glare he was being given by Nesta at the idea of him taking her sister to bed. He’d overheard  Feyre and Nesta talking about the stupid twerp a few times and that he’d always had this fascination with Elain. He was screwed if Nesta found out the mess he was slowly coming to terms with.  So fucking screwed.

Wait. What if she remembered and had left a note or a message or something? Making up an excuse of thinking he was going to be sick, he raced back up to his room, closing the door and started walking over to his bedside table. Picking up his phone, Azriel unlocked it to find no new messages. Sighing, he dragged his hand through his hair and let the thoughts take over. What if she didn’t remember? Or even want it? They had both been drinking and all of his memories were still so hazy. This brought another question into mind. Condoms. He didn’t remember any of the fumbling of using protection that usually occurred with previous hook ups either. Maybe they hadn’t gone that far then, and there was just a bit of fooling around, but that contradicted the bloody sheet. He never forgot to use protection. Not once. 

He kept telling himself nothing happened, that he was imagining it because there was no way he could have just possibly fucked up his life, Elain’s life, right? 

Fuck who was he kidding, he’d taken something that wasn’t his to take from a girl he rarely talked to unless it was something social, and he’d quite possibly had unprotected sex that could lead to a very messy situation. God fucking damn it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, swearing, sex and mature themes. I will add warnings when needed or if I missed something tell me!

Blinking her eyes open was harder than it should have been. Her head felt heavy and the room was too bright from the sun pushing in through the gap in the curtains where she had been too drunk to close them properly. Groaning, Elain rolled onto her other side, reaching for her phone on the bedside table to check the time. 

_ 10:30. Fuck. Great big fuck.  _

She was meant to be meeting Lucien at 11 so that they could go waste away their day shopping together. Lucien has been her best friend for as long as she could remember and Saturdays became their day for gossiping, buying weird clothes for each other that they wouldn’t usually buy and finding new foods from stalls to try. Just as she was about to leave the warm comfort of her bed there was soft knocking on her door followed by Feyre’s cheery voice on the other side. “Elain. Elain it’s almost eleven and Lucy just got here, I told him I’d come check on you. Is everything alright?”

Panicking she called back, “Everything is fine! I just over slept, could you tell him I’ll be down in ten, and stop calling him Lucy it’s ridiculous.” Feyre let out a light chuckle as she said “Yeah sure.”

As Elain went to move her legs over the edge of the bed she froze. She noticed she felt extremely sore. _Down there._ She knew what that meant; she’d heard both Feyre and Nesta talking about it weeks ago, after Feyre’s first time with Rhys. She wasn’t a part of the conversation they had, she was merely walking by Nesta’s room and stopped when she realised what they were talking about. Her younger sister seemed to be panicking that it hurt a bit the next morning and Nesta was assuring her that it’s what most girls felt after their first time and that maybe taking a bath would help. Elain walked away when they started getting into a discussion about safety and assorted condoms. Remembering that only increased the chances of what she’d done. But with who? She couldn’t remember anything clearly after someone shouting that they wanted a game of spin the bottle. 

Rising from the bed, she made herself walk to her en-suite to clean up. Leaning up into the cabinet she grabbed a couple of pain killers to take that she usually would during her time of the month, hoping they might dull the aching feeling between her legs. Elain stripped down to her underwear in the bathroom and put the clothes in the laundry basket once she was finished and made her way back over to her dresser in her room to choose her outfit for the day. Passing the door length mirror on the way she caught a glimpse of her reflection which made her stop short. There was light bruising on her hips in the shape of finger prints. _Bruising._ Lifting her hand to gently touch the marks caused hazy images to cross through her mind. 

_ “Are you sure about this?” She was surer than anything. All she could feel was hands ghosting along her body, ragged breathing close to the sensitive spot by her ear making her shiver and warm skin underneath her fingers. “Yes, I’m sure.”  _

Shaking herself out of the memories she forced herself to continue her journey to the dresser. Everything felt so good and warm and she wanted nothing more than to remember what had happened. The only thing that was clear to her was a pair of hazel coloured eyes and gentle hands. That could be anybody! Wait. Nesta’s conversation with Feyre those weeks ago included a part about being safe. What if she hadn’t been? Oh fucking fudge sticks. This could not be good. Maybe if she went to the health clinic they would be able to tell her. But who would she take, because there was no way in hell she was telling either of her sisters, not until she was sure. And she wasn’t going alone- it felt too daunting and scary. Lucien! He was her best friend who wouldn’t judge her no matter what she did. Maybe he would go with her today and get the answers as soon as possible. This could not be happening. She was too young for this and she was still in high school, the worst case scenario could not be happening to her right now. 

When she finally got downstairs Lucien was waiting for her in the living room leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. “Morning you drunkard, are you ready to go now?” Elain could hear the laughter in his voice and she struggled to force her lips into a smile. He noticed instantly. Of course he did, when did he ever not know when something was wrong. “El, what is it? Tell me so I can help. Feyre left a few minutes ago to meet the Rhys and the others, it’s just us.” Dropping her gaze to the floor she took several deep breaths before meeting his gaze again, and when she did, there was so much worry there that it made her terrified for the first time ever about how he would feel after she told what she might have done. 

“I may have a very big problem. And I need you to take me somewhere, please.” 

He gave her a look that she couldn’t quite decipher and simply said, “I’ll take you wherever you want, I’m sure it’s not that bad, if you tell me maybe we can fix it together.” 

Oh, it was bad. On the scales, it was life altering, what in the flippity flying fuck am I going to do bad . 

“I need you to take me to the health clinic. I may have had sex last night for the first time ever and I don’t even remember who it was or if we used a condom.” Her face was burning red by the end and when she looked at him, he seemed angry but not angry at her. Elain hoped he wasn’t angry at her; it wasn’t like she’d planned it. “We’re going right now and we’re going to get everything cleared up for you and if it is true, I’m going to find that cherry stealing bastard and beat him to a goddamn pulp for touching my Lainy Bear.” She managed to let out a small giggle at that and walked over to him to link their arms with teary eyes. 

Time to see if she was being a paranoid little twerp or if she was about to have a tornado come in and turn her life upside down. What could be better than that? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it? Hate it? Let me know, all feed back is welcomed:))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: it’s clinical at the beginning so I tried to use doctor speak. There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

She should not be here. She was only seventeen for crying out loud! A nurse had brought her back into an exam room and asked her to wait saying that the doctor would be along shortly. Lucien remained in the waiting room but just before Elain had left with the nurse he kept reassuring her that everything would be alright no matter what, and he already knew how he was going to kill the boy who did it. Smiling to herself she could imagine it, he had always been very protective of her. Everyone always thought they were a couple when the saw them together and from seeing the dirty looks he would give the boys who just stared at her ass. They had kissed once, just something chaste with no tongue included but when they pulled apart they both agreed to never speak of it again because it did not feel right at all.

Elain was startled out of her reverie when the door opened and the doctor spoke, “So miss Arch- Wait Acheron?” Looking up she felt herself flush, meeting the gaze of Helion, Lucien’s father. _Gods why did she have the worst luck imaginable? This could also get worse so suck it up Elain._ She opened and closed her mouth several times before offering the pathetic response of “Uh, hello Helion.” He came and sat down in front of her and she took to wringing her hands nervously in front of her. How the hell was she meant to tell him what she came here for? It was like talking to her father about it which she would never do. Ever. He coughed slightly to clear his throat and asked “What can I do for you El?” Forcing herself to take a breath she decided to spit everything out at once in the hopes she wouldn’t have to do it again, “Well you see I think that I _mayhavehadsexlastnightwithoutacondom_.” He chuckled a bit and asked her to repeat that and to maybe slow it down this time so she steeled her nerves and said again, as clear as possible, “I may have had sex for the very first time last night and I also believe that there was no condom involved.” Elain was bright red now and could feel the heat in her cheeks and was focusing vey intently on her toes. She hated how embarrassing this was.

Helion sputtered a bit then but recovered quickly saying “Right well after an examination I’ll be able to tell you if you did the former but as for the latter I may not be able to tell especially if you’ve used the bathroom and such since.” He got up then and walked over to retrieve a gown and then handing it to her, “Put that on and then jump up onto the table and prop your legs up slightly. We’ll figure it out Elain I promise.” After she watched him step behind the curtain she started to strip, replacing her clothes for the ugly hospital gown and did as he asked once up on the table. When she was ready she called him back and watched as he sat at the end of the table right between her legs. She could hear the snap of gloves as he pulled them on but this time he was gentler as he spoke, “I’m going to put my hands on you now Elain and it may feel a little cold from the gloves, Okay?” She gave a small hum of confirmation but still gasped when she felt place his hands on her. _Focus on the ceiling._ “You’re going to feel some pressure now El, deep breaths for me as it might hurt a little.” And it did hurt as she was still sore so she bit her lip and clenched her hands to keep from making any noises. Eventually he pulled his hands away telling her she could put her legs back down to sit normally.

After peeling off his gloves he spoke again although this time it was with a hint of nerves, “Definite signs of intercourse so I can tell you that you did indeed have sex for the first time last night, and I can tell it wasn’t forced thanks the gods.” Elain nodded already knowing that was most likely the outcome but, he still hadn’t given her the most important part of that information. “And the other thing?” He looked at the floor quickly then before he looked back at her. That’s not a good sign then is it. Fuckity shit fuck, no. “Well there appears to be small traces of semen left over so I’m afraid to tell you that there was no condom used during intercourse. The possibility of pregnancy is of course a fifty-fifty chance.” This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. She needed to know now. “Is there any way of being able to know now?” It wasn’t until she said it that she realised how stupid she sounded because of course there wasn’t a way to know now, the gods damned sex had only happened the night before but he answered her all the same, “I’m sorry Elain but there isn’t, not this soon anyway. The only way to know is to wait. However, I do have an option for you that would prevent a pregnancy though.” Ah yes, the holy saviour that was the morning after pill. Elain knew what it was as she’d sometimes over heard a few girls in school talk about using it instead of condoms. Fucking idiots. But the idea of using it, to stop a life from growing, didn’t sit well with her. It was probably incredibly what she was about to tell him. No, she knew she was being ridiculous but the idea of just...

“I don’t want it. Thank you, but no thank you.” Looks of shock and sympathy flashed across his face then but as a doctor she knew he had to ask her, “Are you sure you don’t want it?” No she bloody well wasn’t. “Yes, I’m sure Helion.”

oOoOo 

Walking back into the waiting room, she did a quick scan for Lucien’s red hair and found him leaning against a wall near the entrance of the clinic. He looked up when she was close enough for him to hear her footsteps but as soon as their eyes met, she couldn’t help but to burst into tears. Elain was quickly tucked against his chest while he rubbed his hand up and down her back, whispering in her ear that she was alright, that everything would be fine. When her tears finally stopped he pulled back and led her from the clinic back to his car. Once they were belted up and Lucien had the car moving he finally asked her “Are you going to tell me what happened? You don’t have to obviously, but I’m your best friend Lainy, I want to help.”

He was too good to be true. Honestly he was. “Well I definitely swiped my v-card last night and I wasn’t even careful about it. I was offered the morning after pill but I just couldn’t say yes, I just- I just...” Her breathing picked up then and noticing this he brought his hand over to grip onto hers tightly and said “It’s alright, just breathe. That’s it Lainy good job.” Elain squeezed his hand in thanks once she had finally managed to calm down and they were quiet for few minutes after until he spoke again “So, what do we do now?” _Wallow in self pity with pints of ice cream._ That was her first thought but she only replied with “Now, we just wait.”

They made it to their favourite diner quite quickly after that, parking close to the entrance. But before she could even move to open her door, Lucien had beaten her to it, opening her door and offering his hand. “Milady,” he said with a wink, and with a roll of her eyes she accepted his hand and they walked into the diner side by side. Making it inside the diner they were about to go to their usual table when Elain heard a familiar laugh. Turning her head in the direction of the sound, she found Feyre tucked into the booth in the far corner along with Rhys, Nesta, Cassian and- Oh shit.

She was hit with another memory then after seeing the other boys face, this once feeling as though it was happening in that moment, just like it had this morning.

_“Gods, you feel incredible.” She could still feel a slight bit of pain as he started to move, but it was bearable. Elain had one of her hands in his hair, gripping the soft strands at the nape of his neck. The other, she couldn’t stop using to push her nails into the skin of his back and dragging down because every time she did, he’d let out small little moans of pleasure. As she adjusted, he seemed to pick up the pace a bit and the only word she could form was “Please” over and over again._

The slight touch of her best friend’s hand on her arm brought her back to the present. Mother above she had slept with Azriel. The brother to both of her sisters boyfriends and she barely even knew him. They only ever interacted on the rare occasions that Elain chose to sit with her sisters at lunch because there were things she needed to ask them or because they hadn’t been able to catch up properly that week. Looking back over to their booth in the corner, she realised that they hadn’t actually been spotted yet. Seeing her chance she turned to Lucien and asked, “Actually I’m not really in the mood for greasy diner food now, can we just got to that pretzel cart in the mall that I like?” He gave a weary nod of his head in returned with a muttered “sure thing” and turned to leave, not even noticing her sisters in the corner. Letting out a small sigh of relief she hurried after him with only one thought in her mind.

This wasn’t going to be complicated at all, was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you disagree with her decision that’s incredibly valid but it’s my story so no hate please:) let me know what you think as it’s much appreciated


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wonderful beta said that it made her cry so I’m sorry in advance:))
> 
> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed. If I miss something then let me know!

It had been over a month since the party and Azriel was slowly losing his mind. He had only see Elain a few times after and whenever he tried to say hello, or speak to her when she sat with them at lunch, she’d make an excuse about needing to be somewhere or do something, and disappear before he could get a single word out. These reactions made him assume that she remembered what had happened between them and clearly did not like what had been done. He just wanted her to know that he was sorry and that it was just a onetime thing, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted it to be more than that. For starters he didn’t really know her, not really, and if Nesta ever found out he’d be dead. In her eyes, nobody was good enough for Elain, she was too sweet, too caring and honestly he agreed. He should never have even looked at her.

As he approached the table that they usually sat at during lunch, Azriel saw no signs of Elain yet. Good, that at least gave him a chance to think about what he’d try to say to her this time. When he finally got to the table, Cassian was eating his ungodly amount of food, Nesta was trying to get him to slow down like she always did, but never made any progress, and Rhys and Feyre had their tongues down each other’s throats. Typical. Slamming his tray down on the table as he sat, making them jump apart, he said casually “Can the pair of you not go five minutes without being attached at the mouths? I’d really like to eat today.”

Rhys the fucking little shit that he was just smirked and replied “Come now Azzie, just because I get more action than you doesn’t mean you need to be so grumpy all of the time.” At that comment Feyre smacked him over the back of the head with a muttered _Prick_. Cassian looked as if he was going to join in on the conversation, however, Elain and Lucien finally showed up. Oh, for fucks sake. He hadn’t even thought of what to say yet. Lucien took up the seat next to him while Cass moved around to his side as well so that Elain could sit between Nesta and Feyre.

Azriel tried his damn hardest to zone out, to not focus on her voice as she talked to her sisters about her new English project. But for the life of him he couldn’t do it, because every time he heard her voice, all he could hear in his head was the breathy version of it as she had asked him to _just go slow._ Gods, that’s all he could ever hear lately. He played that memory on repeat in his mind, kept trying to figure out how they had ended up like that but, he always came up blank. Or he got lost in the vivid sensations of actually being able to feel her and had to go take an extremely cold shower. What in hell’s name was he meant to do? He looked at her then, to say something; anything but when her eyes met his she was standing saying that she had to go get books from the library and that she’d see them at the game later. The game! He was playing but maybe he could catch her afterwards and they could finally talk. Azriel knew from her sisters that she always waited until after everyone else had left before she tried because there was less hustle and bustle for her to get caught up in. Yes, after the game. He’d talk to her then while there was no one around.

It was going to be a long day, wasn’t it?

oOoOo

By the time the day was over, all Elain wanted to do was go home and curl up in a ball but she’d promised her sisters that she’d go watch a game because she hadn’t been to one in ages. Usually, she didn’t mind going to watch one because she liked to stay for a while after they’d finished as it was the peace after such chaos that she enjoyed. However, now she would have all her focus on _him_ and the very scary and new predicament she had found herself in just a few days before. Remembering that day in her bedroom made tears prick at her eyes but she forced them back, willing herself not to cry while she was sat in the stands amongst all of her classmates.

_She was late. She was a week late. Fuck. Her movements felt slow and mechanical as he moved around the room to find her phone to send off a text to ask Lucien if he could do something for her. What the fuck had she done?_

_Breathe. Just breathe. Elain found herself reorganizing her shelves while she waited, not knowing what to do with her body, afraid that if she stopped moving she’d breakdown and there was no way she was going to do that. By the time the books had been rearranged three times from alphabetical A-Z and then Z-A and then put in order of the colours of the rainbow, a text from Lucien finally came through saying he was outside so she simply said to let himself in and come to her room. Once he was inside her room, he had a look of pity on his face and placed the plastic drug store bag in her hands but spoke gently as he did so. “Are you sure these are needed? Maybe if you waited a few more days...” Wordlessly she just nodded and retreated into the bathroom._

_Elain pulled the small boxes from the bag and found that her best friend had bought the most expensive pregnancy tests out there. Well, at least she knew the results would be accurate and not some cheap useless thing that would trick her into a false sense of security. Three tests were enough right? Steadying herself, she peed on the stupid sticks and spared a minute to compose herself before going back into the bedroom and placing them on the table. She told Lucien you had to wait for five minutes after and watched him set a timer on his phone before they lapsed into silence; which meant she finally had room to think. She was seventeen years old and she had just peed on three gods damned pregnancy tests and the most annoying things was, she didn’t even have the privilege of remembering the experience that got her to this point in the first place._

_It felt like hours had passed when her best friend’s phone started chiming. Here goes nothing. Elain made herself stand and walk back over to the bedside table, she hadn’t realised her hands were shaking until she reached for the tests. With her eyes shut tight she closed her hand around the small sticks and brought them closer so she could see. Opening her eyes to look, her heart plummeted and she released a small sob into the air, feeling arms close around her waist right before her knees gave out..._

She came back to the present when Lucien sat next to her and handed her a pack of jellybeans and a bottle of water. She had told him who she realised the boy was a few hours after the day she’d made them go somewhere else, after spotting him at the diner. Lucien had tried to go _‘deal with the turd’_ when she did, but they agreed that he couldn’t because she didn’t want her sisters to find out. He still wasn’t too happy about the idea, but he’d said nothing more on the matter. “Thank you,” she said quietly, still reeling from her thoughts and feelings, yet he just smiled softly at her and turned to watch the game. Doing the same, she caught sight of him huddled with the rest of his team, building up the excitement of what was to come, but he didn’t know.

He didn’t know she was eventually going to have to bring all that happiness crashing down. No. _No._ Elain wouldn’t tell him. There was no need for the both of them to suffer, right? She could bare it all and save him from having his life ruined and dreams destroyed.

She would not break him like that.

oOoOo

It took Azriel longer than he had anticipated getting back out onto the field, in between their coach congratulating them on an excellent game and Rhys and Cass trying to cajole him into celebrating with them, he was scared that when he got out there she’d be gone. Luckily for him, she hadn’t, because when he finally found her, she was standing in the middle of the open field with her head tipped back to look at the sky. Seeing her like that, serene and at peace, made his breath catch in his throat. It truly was a beautiful sight to behold, even if he shouldn’t be thinking of her like that.

Taking in a deep breath he forced his feet to push himself towards her and, when he was finally close enough for her to hear but not too close to make her uncomfortable, he gently cleared his throat. “Elain?”

She turned to him then with a slight jolt and breathed, “Oh, Azriel, you scared me. What are you still doing here?” He didn’t fail to notice that she wouldn’t make eye contact and kept darting her eyes between him, the floor and somewhere behind him. He shifted on his feet a little then, his nerves starting to pick up.

“Well, I know from your sisters that after games you like to stay out here on your own for a little while, but I really needed to talk to you so I decided that talking out here like this was probably best.”

This seemed to set her on edge even more, her face started to go a bit red and now she wasn’t even looking at him and was just staring at the floor. Fuck, this wasn’t going well and he’d only just started.

Wringing her hands in front of her she asked in the quietest voice he thought possible “Uh well, what is it?”

Right, straight to the point then. Very well. “It’s about the party. I just wanted you to know that it’s easily forgettable and we can just act like it never happened. I mean, we barely know each other so it’s not like it meant anything and Nesta would kill me if she knew.” Elain looked directly at him then, and for a second he could see hurt and confusion flash across her face, but before he could question it she started speaking.

“ _Easily forgettable,_ ” she seethed. “Easily fucking forgettable! Well that’s just fantastic, isn’t it; just what every girl wants to hear. But, fine, if forgetting is what you want then that’s what we’ll do.” Okay he realised he shouldn’t have said it like that but he meant that no one could know about what they’d done.

Before he could even open his mouth to explain himself, she turned as if she was going to leave. Oh no, absolutely not. Azriel didn’t even think about what he was doing and reached out to grab her wrist before she could move too far. “Shit look, I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, I swear. I just really needed you to know that no one can find out.” She let out a humourless laugh at that and he knew he’d said something wrong again. Gods he was making the situation worse than it needed to be. All she had to do was say that it would be their secret.

“It’s way too fucking late for that now, jackass. Now, let me go.” He released her wrist as if it had burned him, not realising he was still holding her. But what she’d said irked at something inside of him.

“What the hell does that mean? All you have to is agree to not make this anymore worse than it is.” Why didn’t she understand that?

“I’m pregnant, you ass! That’s why it’s too late!” He felt like his whole body went cold all at once then. Elain clamped her hand over her mouth within seconds after she spoke, like she could bring them back in. She couldn’t have said that. This was not happening. This could not be happening.

“No. You’re lying. You can’t be.” There were tears in her eyes then, but she hadn’t let them fall yet. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you.” The first tears dropped then as she spoke.

“Then why the fuck did you tell me, Elain? This is a joke, right? This has to be a joke.” Her face went from upset to outraged in an instant, and Azriel decided he didn’t like the murderous look in her eyes.

“You said that what we’d done was easily forgettable. That _I_ was easily forgettable, Azriel. I was angry and I just reacted. But now I feel like you deserved to be told like that. Why the hell would I be joking?” There was too much for him to think about just then, too many feelings for him to deal with. They both needed to calm down to talk about anything further, both needed to steady themselves. So as much as he wanted answers, needed answers to the bomb she’d just dropped on him, he did the only thing he could for himself. He turned and walked away.

With his back to her and the further he walked away, he didn’t get to watch as she dropped to her knees in that field alone, and sobbed until there was nothing left for her to let out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Runs and Hides* heh like it? You finally got their interaction although I don’t think you wanted it like that😬 let me know your thought on the chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed. If I miss something come shout out me for doing so:))

_Get up._

_Get up._

_Get up now, Elain._

She didn’t know how long she’d been on her knees in that field for. No, that’s not how he should have been told; she didn’t mean to do it like that. But the words he’d said and the way he had said them were still ringing in her head now. _Easily forgettable._ Like he didn’t even care, she was just someone he could use and dispose of. He had been her first but, that didn’t matter to him apparently, didn’t even ask how she felt. What, he just assumed she was a girl who didn’t care who she gave it up to? This whole situation was completely fucked. With shaking hands, Elain searched through her pockets and pulled out her phone, dialling Lucien’s number. He was only sat out in the car waiting for her, like he always did after a game to give her those few minutes of peace, and she could just go straight to him, but wasn’t sure she had enough strength in her to stand. After the third ring he finally answered, but when she heard his voice, Elain couldn’t stop the tears from falling again.

“Can you come back out here and help me? I- I don’t think I can get up, I’m in the middle of the field.” She hung up quickly, cutting off the end of his sentence, only needing to hear that he was coming for her. Like he always would when she asked. It felt like a whole hour had passed by the time she heard his panicked voice, but it mostly likely had only been a few minutes.

“Elain? Lainy, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

It seemed like she was shaking her head to tell him no, but everything felt numb, like she was a puppet and someone else was doing the actions for her. She proceeded to tell him about her run in with Azriel, the words he’d said and that she’d slipped up and told him about the baby in the worst way possible way. By the end of it, she noticed she was now sat in the passenger seat of his car, realising he had carried her the whole way, and turned to say that he didn’t have to do that. However he spoke before she could even open her mouth.

“Just rest for a minute, Ellie. We’ll get you home and tucked into bed, and then you and I can watch whichever terrible romance movie you want. Talking about this can wait until tomorrow, okay?”

Elain nodded, giving her best friend a small smile, excited about watching a romance with him because she always found it funny to listen to his complaints throughout the whole thing. That smile was dropped however, when she turned her head to the window and caught a glimpse of the football field once more. She knew what Lucien was trying to do, yet the sight of Azriel’s face when she shouted at him was still playing on repeat in the forefront of her mind. The shock, the anger, the disbelief and then finally, the realisation of what she was trying to tell him. That she was about to tip their worlds upside down, because they weren’t coherent enough that night to think about the consequences.

Part of her, the selfish part at least, hoped he was struggling with the news as much as she was right now. Maybe even worse.

_Fair was fair, right?_

oOoOo

Azriel had been staring at his shattered bathroom mirror since he’d first put his fist int. He was consciously clenching and unclenching his battered right hand, welcoming the pain, realising now that he deserved to feel it. Deserved to feel the open cuts stretch themselves open slightly more each time after what he had said, after what he had done. Elain was dealing with this too; she was most likely more terrified than he was of what this meant for their future, yet he walked away from her. She needed him and he just walked away. And now a few hours later, he wanted so badly to fix it, to be able to go back to that moment and just stay there to listen to what she had to say.

_Fuck, what had he done?_

And shit, he’d never meant that _Elain_ was easily forgettable when he’d said it! But now, after having replayed their whole conversation three times over, he could see how she had misunderstood him. Yes, he could barely remember the events of that night and how they’d ended up in bed together, but the few memories that Azriel did have were engrained into his mind forever. The feeling of her nails across his back, soft skin underneath his fingertips and the soft little sounds she had made as they’d moved together. He had never realised it in the beginning, but his first thought earlier when he’d spotted her in the middle of the pitch watching as the sun began to set, was that she was absolutely beautiful. Her hair cascaded down her back in golden brown waves; the delicate little frame of her body had made his steps falter slightly. A weird sensation had begun to build in his chest but he had forced it back down because no girl had ever made him feel that way, so how had she done it?

Even through all of that, there was no way he was going to forget the bomb she’d dropped on him. She was _pregnant_. With _his_ baby. He wanted so badly to go running to his brothers, to tell them what had happened so maybe someone could tell him what the hell he was supposed to do. But Azriel couldn’t, because then people would know what he had done. Fucking _Nesta Archeron_ would know what he had done, and then she’d have his balls and most likely feed them to him.

Shaking the terrifying thoughts of bodily harm from his head, Azriel made his way back into his room, stripping and placing his clothes in the hamper as he went. Just before he climbed into bed he stood in front of his mirror for a moment to look at his back, knowing the marks were long faded but part of him still missed them. They reminded him that what had happened was real, that he hadn’t dreamt up what he considered to be the best sex he’d had in his life. Sighing, he climbed into bed and turned off the lamp, engulfing the room in darkness before grabbing his phone to send of a text. Holding out with all the hope he had that he hadn’t blown his chances of making things right.

_El? I’m sorry for what I said tonight out on that field. I was wrong, so terribly wrong and I need you to know that you’re not forgettable, you could never be forgettable. I want to fix this, and I want to hear about the baby, to be there for you. If you haven’t already blocked my number and you get this message, do you think we could talk soon? Fifteen minutes is all I ask for and then, if you still hate me afterwards I’d understand, but I’m asking for a second chance. A chance to be better, and to show you how much I really wish I could remember what we had done because you deserve that at least._

_-Az_

All he could do now was wait, and pray to whatever gods there were that she believed he was telling the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s shorter for this one because I took things out that I wanted to go into six instead:) Love it? Hate it? Do let me know!💓


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it picks up a little after this too, I know it’s a slight slow burn, but they do get there💙 they are awkward babies in this one😂
> 
> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

Azriel thought he was imagining things when he’d read his texts the next morning. He hadn’t expected Elain to answer him that quickly; he hadn’t really expected any reply at all, thinking that she’d ignore him after the mess he had made of everything. Or maybe that she’d blocked him completely and she’d never see the message. He knew he would have deserved it, so he was grateful, even now as he reread her reply for what seemed like the tenth time.

_Today, 12:30 at the diner. Don’t be late._

_-Elain_

It was now 12:00 on the dot and he was sat in his usual booth a bit further at the back, knowing full well he was extremely early, but he wasn’t taking any chances of being late and missing what little opportunity he had left. A waitress came over and asked for his order, and just as he was about to tell her that just a coke would be fine, goddamn fucking Tamlin and Ianthe- Feyre’s prat of an ex and the crazy bitch who never left Azriel alone -walked through the diner’s doors. Panicking he snatched back the menu he’d just handed the waitress, opened it out, and covered his face with it. _Real subtle, you utter moron_. When he peeked back over the top, Tamlin and Ianthe were nowhere in sight, clearly having gone over to the other side of the diner. He smiled sheepishly at the gobsmacked waitress next to him, apologising for being so rude, however she just smiled saying that they had all done something like that at least once and disappeared to get his drink.

Ianthe was someone who liked to have her own way all of the time, like a spoiled little brat. She’d tried to get with Rhys a couple of times until Feyre put her in her place one time during lunch, and then she’d tried Cassian. But, she had only managed to try the one time. No one had known that Cass and Nes were together, that they had been together for just over six months- Azriel had no idea how that was possible though because his brother couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. That was up until the day Ianthe set her sights on him, plastered her body to his against the lockers, just as the eldest Archeron sister walked around the corner. Everything became a blur then. Azriel had blinked, and all of a sudden Ianthe was cradling her bloody nose, and Nesta was shaking out her fist while Cassian was kissing her in any place he could reach. She was a force to be reckoned with and he was terrified of being on the receiving end when she found out about what he and Elain had done. Ianthe- who Azriel had deemed slightly psychopathic –had set her sights on him a few weeks after that incident and he hadn’t known peace since.

His reverie was interrupted when he heard the tinkle of the bell above the door, and looked up to see Elain walking through the door, his breath getting caught in his throat. Gods, she was beautiful. She was dressed in a light pink hoodie, black ripped jeans and her hair was up in a messy bun. The sight was not good for his hormones, making him shift awkwardly in his seat to get comfortable again. How was he supposed to have a serious conversation with her looking like an utter goddess? His drink was brought over then, snapping him out of whatever state of leering he had been in.

_Keep it together you fuckwit, you’re trying to make amends not jump into her pants._

When she finally came over to the booth, he noticed she was wringing her hands together on the table and that she wouldn’t look at him again. Azriel understood why, he wouldn’t look at himself if put into her shoes, but gods did he want her to just _look_. To see him. So that when he explained why he had been such an asshole, to tell her how much he wanted to start again, she would see he was being sincere. Reaching over, he tentatively to took her tiny hands into his, pushing back the thoughts of how they fit do well together and spoke so gently that he didn’t recognise his own voice.

“Elain, will you look at me, please?”

oOoOo

Elain was taking deep breaths, but they didn’t seem to be helping her much. She wanted to look at him; she wanted to hear what he had to say so they could get this over with. But the only thing she was currently able to think of was the warmth of his hands on hers. She was staring at the way they engulfed her own, the comfort his warmth gave her traitorous body, when she noticed all the scars. Her breath hitched slightly and her brain started to work a mile a minute, wanting to ask so many different questions at the same time.

_Why did you say those things yesterday? Why did you just walk away? What happened to your hands? How did we end up in bed together? How do we move forward now?_

She was still having a mental panic when Azriel cleared his throat to try and get her attention again. Looking up at him slowly, she was shocked to see how nervous he was, because yes he’d said in his text he wanted to make things right. He even wanted to know about the baby, something she hadn’t expected at all. But in all honesty, she thought the only thing he was going to do was tell her today, was that he wanted nothing to do with either of them, that if she said something he would deny it. Maybe she was about to be proven wrong? Steeling her own nerves she pulled her hands away- not missing his look of disappointment and possibly hurt – to put them in her lap and said as strongly as she could “You have fifteen minutes, Azriel. What is it that you want?” Drawing his hands back, he looked down shyly for a moment, and when he brought his gaze back to hers he let out a very audible breath.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean any of it honestly; I just had no idea how to deal with the situation. When I said ‘easily forgettable’ I didn’t mean that what we had done meant shit all, because it did mean something, to me at least. I just wanted to keep it between us because your sister will quite literally kill me if she finds out.” He took a shaky breath before continuing, “The morning after, I remembered some things, realised what you were and part of me hates myself because you should have had something better, should have had _someone_ better. And I’m so, so sorry, for all of it.”

Elain hadn’t realised she was crying until she tasted the salt on her lips, quickly bringing her hands up to wipe away the tears, although it did her no good because he had seen them anyway. Part of her wanted to go over and hold him, to tell him everything was alright but the rational side of her brain made her stay rooted in her seat. Everything was not alright; she had no idea if it would be again for a while so she started to nod a little before stopping abruptly. Confused now, as she had just clicked on to something he had said, asking with clear curiosity “What do you mean you ‘realised what I was’? I don’t get it.”

She blushed in full force when he bluntly replied “You were a virgin. Right?”

Fuck. How could he have realised? Elain didn’t tell him and he hadn’t asked, she remembered that at least. When she asked him as such, it was his turn to blush as he stumbled over his words.

“Um- well- when I... Uh there was a bit of blood on the sheets, not a lot but, it was there. I remember you asking me to be gentle, but that could have just been a preference so when I saw the sheets, I knew what I had done.”

Guilt was written on his face now. He felt guilty about it, but how was she meant to comfort him without lying? Because yes, there had been a slight bit of soreness the morning after, however, she didn’t want to make him feel any worse so decided not to mention it. Turning to face away from him again and stare out of the window, Elain contemplated whether or not she should ask him about the elephant in the room. He had said he wanted to know about the baby in his text, yet he hadn’t brought it up since she’d sat down. Deciding to just jump straight into it, she spoke again, her nerves coming back in full force and she knew Az could tell by the way his whole face softened.

“You drove here right?” He gave a small nod to confirm. “Then could we maybe go somewhere more private? You said you wanted... Well you said you wanted to know about the other thing, and it’s probably best not to talk about here.” She gestured to all of the other people around the diner; all having their own conversations yes, but the place was slightly smaller than it looked. Azriel started sliding out of his side as he began speaking, offering her his hand once he was stood.

“Of course we can, I know a place actually. Would you like to go there or somewhere different?”

It was easy enough to get out of her side unassisted, but she took his hand anyway, wanting to feel that comforting warmth from earlier and agreed to go to wherever he had in mind. As they walked out of the diner to make their way to his car, she realised that neither of them had let go of the other and that Azriel was lightly running his thumb over her knuckles.

Being so engrossed in the boy beside her, she never noticed a smirking Ianthe sat in the back corner, watching them leave together hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward fluff is the the best fluff😊 Love it? Hate it? Don’t be afraid to tell me!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: In this chapter there is talks of past violence and death. There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

Azriel decided to take her to a place he only ever went to alone, not even bringing his brothers out here, the ones that meant something anyway. He’d brought her to his old house, or, at least, what was left of it. The outhouse where his mother spent the majority of her time was still standing, but the main house was no more than cinders, the remaining few parts of its foundation were the only signs that it had existed in the first place. Elain was a quiet presence beside him, her hand linked with his again- had told her that path was overgrown and didn’t want her to trip, but he just wanted an excuse to do so once more. When they were finally in his mother’s old house, he told her to sit while he got her a glass of water, ignoring her protests that she was fine. She didn’t look fine at all, she looked like she was going to be sick or something and he told her as such.

He took a seat opposite Elain after handing her the glass, the reason they were here coming back to him when she spoke again.

“It’s the morning sickness. Well I should say daytime sickness, because that’s how it feels. That’s why I don’t look too great.”

Azriel’s mouth was moving before he could stop the words, yet he didn’t regret them.

“You look beautiful. You always look beautiful.”

She blushed then, ducking her head said slightly, and the sight made his chest hurt. It wasn’t just that, it was looking at her in the place he grew up, looking as though she belonged. Like she was meant to be there with him. He stopped those thoughts in their tracks when the words ‘morning sickness’ actually clicked something in his mind, and he forced himself to ask about the reason for such a thing. “You know, I meant what I said, about the baby. I really would like to be there for you, for both of you. If you’ll let me, that is. But I’m not asking to jump into some kind of relationship; I thought maybe we could try to be friends? We never had that to begin with and I would like to get to know you. Even if we weren’t in this situation, I’d still want that.”

His heart broke a little bit when she looked back at him with tears in her eyes, just like back at the diner. He had wanted to wipe them away then, but hadn’t been sure whether or not she would let him. Screw it. Moving from his own chair, he got down on his knees in front of her, gently lifting his hands to cup her cheeks and used his thumbs to brush them away.

“Please don’t cry, El. Please, I didn’t mean to upset you. Gods, how do I keep fucking this up?”

Mother above, she was even more stunning up close. There were little freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose, her eyes were so bright with hope he never wanted to look anywhere else. And that mouth. He just wanted to kiss it _. All of the time_. Elain giggled then, a soft and adorable sound that he wanted engraved into his brain. She smiled when she spoke once more, and he thought he’d died right there and gone to heaven.

“You didn’t upset me, Az. Stupid hormones are making me cry over the littlest things. But did you mean that? Are you sure this is what you want? Because you can walk away, you don’t have to bear this with me, I’d understand.”

If Azriel was any other idiotic, pig–headed teenage boy, he might have taken her up on that offer. Might have walked away from them and never looked back. But that wasn’t what he wanted. He always knew he’d wanted kids, and yes this might be earlier than he had planned, but maybe this is how it was meant to happen. And he knew for certain he was _not_ going to be his father, he wasn’t going to let his child grow up thinking its father didn’t want it. Didn’t _love_ it. So, he nodded and smiled back, and answered with all the determination he could muster.

“Yes, this is what I want. I’m all in, Elain.”

He hadn’t expected it, but she brought him into a bone crushing hug, like she hadn’t expected him to agree with her. Hesitantly, he put his own arms around her shoulders and rested his cheek on the top of her head. She smelt so good, fit so right in his arms that he never wanted to let her go.

Azriel thought he could get used to this and decided to do everything in his power to keep it.

oOoOo

It had been a few weeks since their talk about the baby, and Elain found that she was smiling almost constantly. Azriel had been texting her every day, asking her how she was, and for the first few days her answer was simply just ‘I’m fine’. He seemed to know that she never really meant it, phoning her one evening a few days ago, to call her out on her bullshit while she was lying in bed.

_Elain had just been about to put her phone down, telling Lucien goodnight, when it lit up with Azriel’s name on an incoming call. She hesitated for a moment as he’d never called before, but then told herself to stop being stupid because they’d talked in person, there was no difference._

_“Hi Az. Are you alright?”_ Why the hell was he calling?

_“I’m going to ask you a question, El, and I want you to be honest with me. How are you feeling?”_

_“Wha- fine. I feel fine Az, I’ve told you.”_

_There was a huff of breath on the other end, a frustrated huff, like he was mad at her. But she didn’t know why, didn’t know what she had done to piss him off. Everything was okay when they texted only a few hours ago._

_“Feyre and Nesta were talking at lunch today,” fuckity fuck, “they were saying that you were sick this morning with a bad headache, so you didn’t come into school. But when I asked you this morning, you said there was nothing wrong. You said you trusted me Elain, but you’re not telling me things. I don’t ask just to ask, I genuinely want to know, and I know I can’t begin to understand, but I did this to you and I just want you tell me that yeah, sometimes you feel like complete shit.”_

What did she do to deserve this boy?

_“I’m sorry. It’s just, you already feel terrible about the whole thing, I don’t want to make you feel any worse.”_

_It was true. Whenever that night was brought up, when they were trying to remember things or tell the other that they had remembered something new, he always got this distant look on his face. And when she asked about it, it was always the same answer. He wished that it hadn’t been like that, wished he could do it all differently, to take care of her how she deserved and be gentler than he had. He was always scared of hurting her, when he’d already hurt her too much. However, he finished every time saying that he’d never regret her or the baby, because now they were all he wanted. Thinking of that made her say how she felt, even though she didn’t want to add to his guilt. But he’d asked._

_“Every day, I feel so goddamn awful Az, and it sucks ass.”_

_He laughed then and gods, she would do whatever she could to make him do it again, again, again._

Elain looked at him now, standing at the kitchen counter, in the house he’d explained was his mother’s. His real mother’s before she died. That story, when he’d told her, had made her cry for what felt like hours. His biological brothers had decided that day that they had wanted to play with fire, using him as a test dummy. They had him pinned and set fire to his hands, not letting him go until he was screaming at the top of his lungs. When they did, the flames were gone although the burning sensation was still there, his flight or fight response kicked in, and he just bolted, running all the way to Rhysand’s house. He was only eight. And by the time Rhys’ mother- a nurse, he had remembered his friend telling him–had cleaned up his hands and he’d gathered the courage to go home, the whole place was ablaze, taking his family with it. She pushed that to the back of her mind and couldn’t help her smile as she watched him make her a sandwich, cutting it into to small squares so she didn’t eat too much and make herself sick, knowing that she couldn’t really keep any food down.

Azriel sat across from her after handing her the plate, just watching her, but after a few minutes, she had noticed a contemplative look become apparent on his face. Lifting a piece of her sandwich, she asked him with a bit of amusement, “Why are you looking at me like that?” He shook his head at that and turned away from her.

“It’s uh, it’s nothing. Eat; you said you’d barely had anything today.”

_Not suspicious at all that, was it?_

“I thought we agreed to stop lying to each other. You can tell me. What’s wrong?”

“I just... I just really want to kiss you right now.”

Elain was hearing things. She’d finally lost the plot. He couldn’t have possibly just said what she thought he did, there was just no way. The butterflies that were always in her stomach whenever she was near him became ten times worse. He couldn’t _want_ Elain. Yes, they’d spent that one night together, but they were both drunk, he was probably just going for what was closest in his hazy state of arousal. And sure, there were kisses he’d placed on her cheek when they managed to get some time alone but they were just friendly. He’d asked to be _friends_. All of a sudden, her chair was being dragged around next his, and he lifted one hand to cup her cheek.

“May I kiss you, Elain?”

It was actually happening then. She’d fantasized about this a few times since he’d first brought her here, but she never thought she’d get to experience the real thing. Closing her eyes tightly, she nodded to let him know it was a yes. That it was okay. But for Azriel, that wasn’t enough.

“Open your eyes, El. I need to be sure; I’m not taking something that isn’t mine again.”

She did so, and staring into those beautiful hazel eyes, Elain let out a breathy, “Yes.”

He leaned in slowly, so slowly she thought he wasn’t moving at all. But then she felt his breath on her lips and his eyes were flicking between her own and her mouth. She closed them again at the first touch, just a peck. Then another. A few more until his mouth was opening slightly against hers, and she followed his lead, not really having kissed anyone- the ones she didn’t remember not counting. For a minute, it was a clash of teeth and tongue, but he wasn’t put off and stayed slow as not to rush her. Gods, he tasted good, like mint and something she couldn’t quite place. She brought her hand up to tangle in his hair, making him groan against her mouth, causing her to giggle.

Az pulled back slightly then, smiling at her as he asked, “We can go as slow as you’d like, but I want you to know that no matter how this makes me feel,” he brought her hand to his chest and she gasped at the feeling of his racing heart, “the choice will always be yours.”

Nodding enthusiastically, she kissed him this time, with more confidence than before. Only one word pushed to the forefront of her mind.

_Yes, yes, yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they finally kissed! Are you happy? Was it good? Let me know your thoughts:))


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.
> 
> I'm all caught up on here now so it will be weekly updates. I might even get to do 2 chapters a week sometimes:)

Azriel couldn’t remember the last time that he was this happy. It had only been almost a week since he and Elain had kissed, and he couldn’t help but smile whenever he thought of it. The way that she held him gently as they did so, the little noises that she’d made when he’d deepened the kiss, and the way she had smiled into it whenever he let a groan slip. It just all felt so real. Kissing girls was never like that; people always said there was some spark or some other mushy feeling, but he’d never experienced it. Not until she walked into his life. They had called every night since, he’d ask about her day, how she was feeling, what she would be doing the next day, and then he’d tell her that he couldn’t wait until they got time alone together again.

She’d wriggled her way under his skin and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

They were all currently sat at a table in the cafeteria. Elain was sat opposite him with Nesta, Cass and Lucien, while he was sat wedged between Feyre and Rhys. He just wanted one day where they weren’t connected from head to toe. Every chance he could get, he would sneak little glances at her, making her blush if she caught him. It gave him some smug satisfaction to see the pink staining her cheeks. That was until he saw Lucien glaring at him. He knew why of course; Elain had said that she’d told him about the night of the party because she was scared and confused. That he knew about the baby, simply because she didn’t want to be alone when she took the tests. Part of him was jealous at first because that was _their_ night- what they could remember of it, anyway –and it was _their_ baby. _His_ baby. He felt he should have been there when she found out, but he hadn’t known then. They hadn’t spoken until after that and she hadn’t thought he’d care, that he’d want anything to do with her. With either of them. But it still hurt for some reason.

Azriel was brought out of his musings to the sound of both Cassian and Lucien’s very unhappy groaning. Looking up he saw that both Nesta and Feyre had their eyes, now furiously cold, glaring in the same direction. Cass had his head tilted to the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing in the world, Rhys was rubbing his temples as if a headache was brewing and Lucien looked as though he was trying to disappear. Elain was desperately trying to tuck herself into Nesta’s side, as if that was currently the safest place for her. He turned his head in the same direction that the two girls were looking in, and when he saw what they did, he struggled to hold back a groan of his own.

Ianthe was strutting across the room, acting like she owned the whole goddamn place, right towards their table. When she reached it there was a slight smirk on her face as she placed one hand on her hip and used the other to twirl her awful bleached hair around her finger, but before she could speak, Rhys beat her to it.

“How many times do you have to be told, demon spawn, no one here wants anything to do with you. Leave.”

Her pinched face twisted up into something horrid for a moment before the smirk was back and she was opening her mouth, speaking in that nasally tone that made him want to stab himself.

“Now now, Rhysand, don’t be like that. I’m curious about something. All of you boys except for Lucy dearest turned down this,” she made a flourished gesture at herself, “beautiful piece of work for a trashy lower model.”

Before Feyre could get up, he was pulling her back down, and the whining from the blonde continued.

“You for Tamlin’s sloppy seconds, Cassian for the cold bitch that probably doesn’t put out, and you, Azzie? You did it for the virgin freak over there. I just wanted to know how you all managed to snag an Archeron sister.”

Everything had gone deadly still. Cass was gaping like a fish, Rhys had an eyebrow raised and he could feel Feyre glaring daggers into the side of his head. Lucien had dropped his head into his hands while Elain was wide eyed, pale and her hand looked like it was beginning to shake. He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her close, to let her know that everything was fine. But he could do nothing. Nothing but stare at Nesta as she flicked her eyes to his, an angry fire burning within them.

“Azriel you have about thirty seconds to explain to me what the hell the bitch is talking about, or so help me god, you will have no balls left.”

He knew that they’d have to tell people eventually, but this is not how he wanted to tell her sisters that they were dating.

Motherfucking shit fuck.

“It’s true, I saw them leaving the diner not so long, hand in hand. They looked very cosy.”

He vaguely saw Ianthe turn on her heel and saunter away after that, satisfied that she’d caused enough damage for one day. He was about to say something, anything, to dissolve the situation, but Elain beat him to it.

“Nes, please calm down. We had only just made it official between us this week. We weren’t ready to tell anyone yet, but I like him. I really like him, so, can’t you be happy for us? Please Nesta?”

It was official, he was dead. There was no way he would be allowed to live his life now that it was confirmed. And if she acted like this just because they were dating, how the hell were they going to be able to tell everyone about the little life they had created? Luckily for him Feyre managed to calm Nesta down, bless her soul. She and Azriel had always had a different sort of friendship and right now, he was so grateful for that.

“Come on Nes, we know Az. We know he’s good enough for her and that he’ll treat her right. And think, we can do triple dates now, won’t that be fun?”

“Fine. But know this Az, if you hurt her in anyway shape or form, I’ll break your fucking legs with a hammer.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding at the averted crisis, mouthing a ‘thank you’ to the girl beside him, receiving a gentle smile in return. Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his pocket, so he pulled it out while everyone was distracted, and reading the text on the screen, he couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his face.

_Uh, I have an appointment booked at the clinic. It’s the twelve week scan because it’s good to have one then; or so I’ve read. Would you like to come? You don’t have to obviously, I can go by myself, but I thought I’d ask. No pressure._

_-El_

Stretching his leg under the table to hook his ankle around hers, he saw her jump before she started playing back while he answered;

_Of course I’d like to come. I can’t wait to see him/her. I told you I was all in, Elain, and I meant it. Every scan and every check up, I’ll be there to hold your hand. We do this together._

_-Az_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well she came back😬 love it? Hate it? Let me know those thoughts and feelings.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 is here. Slow again I know but I can’t exactly write without a keyboard. Sorry for the delay. Also I realised that only Az had parent background so here’s some for Elain:))
> 
> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

_Tap._

_Tap, tap._

_Tap._

_Tap, tap._

Oh for fucks sake. She was going to kill him and bury the body where no one would find it. Elain knew Az was nervous, but, he wasn’t the only one- yet she wasn’t insistently tapping her fingers against the chair she was laying in. Right next to her fucking ear. They had been waiting for the nurse to come back in for about ten minutes now, and every second that passed, seemed more daunting than the previous one did. These scans were important, she understood that, but she couldn’t help thinking that this made everything so much more real. They were finally going to have proof that this tiny little being they had made together actually exis-

_Tap, tap._

_He was so very dead, dead, dead._

“Please for the love of god Azriel, will you stop it with the fucking tapping? It’s driving me insane! I know you’re nervous, I’m nervous, but please stop. It’s making me feel worse.”

He brought the offending hand up to tuck a rogue curl behind her ear, making her blush. She caught his satisfied smirk just before he spoke;

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just nervous _and_ excited you know? This isn’t how I ever thought this scenario would happen but I’m happy about it anyway, and I just really, really want to see the little bean.”

Seriously, was this boy even real? He was supposed to be like this, he wasn’t supposed to want this. Sometimes Elain just wished he had walked away, that he had refused to acknowledge what they had done. At least then she wouldn’t be forced to confront all of these things he was making her feel, but, she always abandoned those thoughts as soon as they came. It wasn’t fair to Azriel to think the worst of him when he was always trying his hardest to be what he needed her to be.

“Little bean?”

It was his turn to blush then, ducking his head a little bit and smiling shyly. _Beautiful._ He was so beautiful it made her heart hurt.

“Yeah, my little bean. Our little bean that we made together, Ellie.”

Before she could respond and comment on how utterly cute that was, the nurse walked in carrying a small bottle in her hands.

“Sorry that took so long, I couldn’t fine the new bottles of gel anywhere. Someone decided to move things around and not say anything.”

They both just smiled politely at her as she moved around, setting up the ultrasound machine. Elain felt her nerves begin to pick up once more and started fiddling with the hem of her shirt when she felt a rough and calloused hand, yet still gentle, cover her own. Grounding her in the moment. When the nurse was finished, she came over and asked if it was okay to lift her shirt and move the band of her leggings down slightly, and all Elain could do was nod. She saw Azriel turn and tilt his head away out of the corner of her eye, something she was grateful for, because although he had undoubtedly seen all of her bare before, he didn’t just assume that gave him the privilege to do so now.

“Okay dear, the gel is going to be a little cold at first but just for a minute. Ready?”

At her nod, she squeezed a very generous amount onto Elain’s stomach, causing her to jolt at the cold despite being warned beforehand. The three of them turned to watch the screen of black and white as the nurse moved the small wand around. The anticipation and the waiting made her breath catch in her throat, just staring at the messed up blur of lines. A picture. That’s all they were going to be looking at and it made her feel as if her heart was going to burst from her chest and from the look on Azriel’s face, he felt the same. It wasn’t normal to feel like this. She didn’t understand the feeling until;

“Do you see this here?”

The nurse was pointing at something on the screen, causing Elain to squint slightly. No, she didn’t see. She didn’t see at all.

“I see it.”

Oh, of course he could see it. _Bastard_.

She felt close to tears, not understanding what they were seeing and turned to look helplessly at the boy at her side. It was as if he knew what was wrong in an instant and let go of her hand to move towards the machine, pointing at what looked to be several small curves and then- _there._

_Was that a nose?_

“Oh, I see it now.”

Az moved back to stand at her side taking her hand in his once again as the nurse continued. God, she wished he knew how much just that touch of their hands helped to calm her. To make everything better.

“That’s your baby. They’re not quite facing forward at the moment, as you might be able to tell. But there’s its nose, a hand and two tiny little feet. Looks like you might have a shy one on your hands.”

A smile threatened to break across her face as she stared at her baby, so tiny and fragile, yet a sound stopped her. She hadn’t noticed it before with all the blood rushing in her ears but she heard it now, so very loud and so very clear. Like the clatter of horses hooves.

_Thud, thud, thud._

The question was out before she could even think.

“What’s that sound?”

The nurse, seeing what musty clearly be confusion on her face, grinned exceptionally wide.

“That is your baby’s heartbeat.”

oOoOo

_Heartbeat._

His baby had a heartbeat. He and Elain were now sat outside of the clinic on a small wooden bench, Elain with a vending machine hot chocolate- one of the few things she could keep down – as they both took in all the information they had thrown at them _. A heartbeat_. Gods he still couldn’t believe it, not fully accepting that it was real until he had seen and heard. He looked down at the black and white picture in his hands- the nurse had barely managed to finish asking if they wanted copies before he was nodding enthusiastically -unable to stop the tilt of his lips, and running his finger over the tiny little nose over and over.

Elain’s nose.

His- no, their baby wasn’t even in the world yet and already, Azriel knew he would do everything within his power to make them happy, to make sure they knew they were loved and cherished. The baby and the amazing, beautiful girl at his side. He jolted a little, feeling a small, warm hand carding through his hair.

“Are you alright? I know that was a lot in there, but you’ve been quiet since we got outside. You’re starting to worry me.”

He brought her hand down from his head, kissing her palm lightly, before placing it against his cheek and leaning into the touch.

“I was just thinking that’s all. I’m fine Love, I promise.”

Her breath caught and she blushed all the way down to her neck at the endearment, but he wasn’t taking it back or apologising, because it just felt right time him. However, he did apologise to whichever gods that were watching, annoyed with his thoughts of wondering what other parts of her that blush would spread to.

_Get it together, you fucking shithead. Now is not the time._

“What were you thinking about?”

Instead of telling her all of the thoughts running through his head, he asked her what he had wanted to since he had picked her up this morning.

“I was just wondering if you’d stay with me tonight, at the outhouse. We wouldn’t have to worry about the others then.”

At her skeptical look he rushed to clarify what he truly meant.

“No. Not like that Ellie I swear. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want or anything at all. I just want to be able to hold you without being glared at by your sister, and give you kisses without Cass making ridiculous innuendos. You don’t have to if that’s not what you want. I just thought it might be nice.”

She smiled at him then and softly rubbed her thumb under his eye. She treated him so gently, all of the time, as if she was scared of breaking him.

_She’s not the only one with that fear._

“Of course I’ll stay with you. I don’t want to be at home tonight anyway. Both Nesta and Feyre will be at yours with the boys and I think Dad has been drinking again. I don’t want to be alone when he’s like that.”

He nodded slightly, knowing that she didn’t like to talk about her father much, but hoped one day she might be able to let him in on that part of her life. He knew from being around her sisters that her mother had died having Feyre and their father started drinking when Elain was around ten. He’d had help before, but sometimes he’d slip and have to start the cycle all over again. Azriel knew it couldn’t be easy, but he wasn’t going to push, she’d come to him if she needed and only when she was ready.

“How about we go back so you can get some things, and then well got to the store and grab a couple movies and whatever snacks you want? Maybe some lemonade too? You said that helps with the sickness and I don’t want you in pain and upset when I know I could’ve fixed it.”

He got a nod at that and he stood pulling her with him placing a quick, chaste kiss to her lips and putting his arm around her shoulders, tucking her into his side. Just as they reached the car, and he was opening the passenger door for her, she spoke again, just a quiet whisper in the open air between them.

“I just wanted you to know, that no matter what happens from here on out, no matter what people say about us, I truly believe this is all going to be worth it.”

She placed one of his hands over her stomach as she finished and he couldn’t the shaky breath he let out, but for some reason it didn’t matter. It was okay to be vulnerable around her. With her, he was safe. As his eyes lined with silver he replied with all of the strength and conviction he could muster;

“I already know. You’re both worth every gods damned thing in the world to me. You always will be.”

He wasn’t letting anyone take this away from him.

He would fight with everything that he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you love it or hate it? Let me know how you felt💚


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING! Although mild, for now😏 you’ll have to tell me if it was good. Also the end section was short for reasons:)

She knows.

She totally fucking knows.

_But how the hell does she know?_

It was the morning after his movie night with Elain, and Azriel had brought her home with him so they could have breakfast with the others before the girls went off shopping together. Nesta was staring him out from across the table as if she could see every thought running through his head. He hoped to god that she couldn’t because now he couldn’t stop thinking about the night before.

_The movie had only been playing for around ten minutes before his resolve cracked. He tried, he really, really tried, but ever since Elain had walked out of that bathroom in a pale pink tank top and small black shorts he was done for. She was lying tucked into his side on the bed fully focused on whatever movie she had picked when, without realising, his fingers began drawing patterns on the skin of her thigh. Azriel cursed himself when she tensed, now noticing what he’d done._

_Why the hell did he have to ruin everything?_

_“What are you doing, Az?”_

_“I- I- shit I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He fumbled, pulling his hand away. But before he could get too far, a small pale hand wrapped around his wrist._

_“It’s okay you know? You’re allowed to touch me. I just wasn’t expecting you to_ want _to touch me.”_

_“Of course I want to touch you, in fact I always want to touch you, but I should have asked first.”_

_Elain began to play with his fingers at that, chewing on her lower lip like something was bothering her. He tried to push back the thoughts of biting that lip himself so he could focus on the matter at hand._

_“What’s wrong El?”_

_“It’s just that this whole being pregnant thing includes hormones. And sometimes I don’t know if I want you because it’s me or it’s just my hormones telling me that I need some sort of itch scratched or something.”_

Jesus Christ, she was going to kill him.

_“Will you let me touch you, Elain?”_

_She let out a shaky and uneven breathe before whispering;_

_“Yes.”_

_He brought his hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear, following the path down, dragging his fingertips across her neck and had to hold back a smirk at the way she shivered._

_“Promise me something first.”_

_A nod._

_“Promise me that you’ll stop me if there’s something you don’t want to do. I’m not going to get upset or mad at you, you’re allowed to say no. I don’t want to feel like I’m taking from you, not again.”_

_“But you di-“_

_“Promise me.”_

_“I promise, Az.”_

_She closed her eyes as he dropped his hand once more, this time to her hip, and dragged her to face him fully. Elain squeaked at the feeling of their chest, hips and thighs being pressed together. Azriel brought his lips to her just a brush at first but then she let out a frustrated whimper and his control snapped. He moved her leg over his hip and caught her moan with his lips as he ground into her harder. Her hands wove into his hair and pulled causing him to groan and roll her onto her back. His hand moved away from her hip to run along the waist band of her shorts, teasing._

_“Can I?”_

_Elain looked down to where the tips of his fingers were just underneath the band and flushed a bright red so he tipped her chin back up so they were face to face once more._

_“You can say no and we can stop right now. Just being able to hold you, to kiss you, is enough.”_

_“No, I want to. But I’ve never…”_

_The next kiss he gave her was gentle and slow, a slight distraction as he pushed his hand under both her shorts and panties. She gasped when he used his thumb to draw circles over her bundle of nerves and slipped one finger inside her._

_“Good?”_

_She bit his lip and moaned again before breathing out a;_

_“Ye- Yes.”_

_Azriel smirked and thrusted slowly a few times before carefully adding another. The slow thrusts continued until she pulled his hair hard with one hand and dragged her other down his back, nails digging into his skin, and he picked up the pace. One of her legs wrapped around his waist trying to pull him closer but he kept himself propped on his forearm, just hear her whimper, the sound going straight to the part of him he was steadily ignoring. Soon enough her back was arching and she looked at him with what looked to de part desperation and part confusion._

_“Az. Az I need- I need-“_

_He pressed his thumb harder and used his fingers to make a come hither motion, speaking against her lips as she cried out._

_“Ellie. Let go, baby. I’ve got you.”_

_Once she fell limp against the bed he withdrew his hand as gently as he could, bringing it to his mouth, grinning internally as her eyes widened. He jolted when her small hand came up to fiddle with the button on his jeans. The disappointed look on her face made him wish he’d let her continue, but this wasn’t about him. This was all for her._

_“But what about you?”_

_“I’m alright, I promise. Was that okay?”_

_“Amazing.”_

_He smiled and kissed her nose then her forehead, tucking her in gently, before going to the bathroom to sort himself out. By the time he came back and climbed in behind her, she was already asleep, the sound of her even breaths pulling him under too._

The banging of a mug against the table top brought him back to the present, shifting in his seat against the discomfort of his now incredibly tight jeans. Nesta was still glaring at him as she got up from the table to give Cassian a kiss goodbye, telling Feyre and Elain she was going to start the car. He barely had chance to appreciate the kiss his girlfriend gave him before she was rushing over to link her arm through her sisters, leaving him in a dazed state as they yelled a quick “later” over their shoulders.

Cassian’s loud and obnoxious laughter had him turning abruptly back to his brothers.

“God, bro. You’re so fucking whipped.”

He scoffed, as if they both weren’t exactly the same dopey idiots around their girls.

Elain Archeron had him wrapped around her little finger and he was so fucking grateful that she did.

oOoOo

The three of them had been shopping for over an hour now and Elain was exhausted. She was little dizzy and her back ached and gods she just wanted to sit for five minutes but her sister had other ideas.

“Just one last store El, and then we can go and get those milkshakes you like.”

The sound of said milkshakes did not sound appealing in that moment but she managed to give Feyre a small smile, albeit a bit grim, but she had already started walking again. Following as fast as her tired body would allow, she realised it was a clothes store and Feyre was steadily piling her arms with things to try on.

“Is it really necessary for me to try on all of these things? I have enough clothes, I don’t need more.”

She was given what she was call a sadistic grin in return and was promptly dragged to the fitting rooms to try everything on. Nesta was already there trying on what looked to be about a dozen jeans. There was no time for her to even ask her elder sister what she had picked because her younger one had pushed her into one of the cubicles.

Once inside Elain gently placed her clothes on the hook and bent to remove her shoes, deciding to try on any jeans and trousers first but as she came back up, she was hit with another wave of dizziness and swayed. She groaned loudly at the pain in her head as her vision became blurry. There was a lot of talking from outside, banging on the door and few shouts of her name maybe?

“Elain.”

“Elain are you alright?”

“Elain!”

She had no time to think or call back to whoever is was before she was falling and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we like? How’d I do?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a tad longer than i usually write, enjoy:)

Cassian thought that today was going to be a quiet day with his brothers...until the girls came back with arms full of bags and a long story about each item they had bought.

He was wrong, so very wrong.

After the girls had disappeared out of the door, they had spent the first hour on cleaning up so their mother wouldn’t have to do anything when she got back from her shift at the hospital. People used to bully him often at being adopted, throwing words such as ‘bastard’ and ‘orphan’ at him, but he didn’t care. This was the best home he’d ever had, and no amount of verbal abuse would make him resent it. Ever.

It was now mid-afternoon and the girls still hadn’t come back when they were usually done by lunch, so he and his brothers decided to watch a movie, and Cassian smirked as he listened to Rhys and Az grumbling since it was his turn to pick.

“Cass, we’ve watched Mission Impossible so many times already. Can’t we watch something else?” Azriel groaned.

“It’s my turn to choose and this is what we’re watching.”

Rhys just threw a handful of popcorn at him, which he ate one by one, and relaxed in the chair as he accepted his fate.

Thirty minutes later, there was a muffled bang of the front door before feet were stomping down the stairs to the basement. He turned his head away from the TV in time to see Nesta turn the corner.

“Hey sweet-“

He stopped talking once he got a look at the murderous rage written across her face.

“You’re a dead man.”

She said it with such calmness that it actually gave Cassian chills, but she wasn’t looking at him nor Rhys - who had once been on the receiving end of her anger when she had caught him in a very compromising position with Feyre. No, this time that anger was directed at Azriel, and when he turned to look at his brother, he stood staring back - his face as white as a sheet. Before he could question her about what was wrong, his girlfriend had crossed the room, landed a right hook to his brother’s face, and had pinned him against the wall within the next second.

He moved fast then, hooking an arm around Nesta’s waist to pull her back against him and out of reach of Az, while Rhys fussed over their wounded brother.

“Nes, sweetheart, you need to calm down and use your words.”

She had stopped struggling when she realised he wasn’t letting go, but she was still tense in his arms and he flinched when she dug her nails into his forearm as she began to speak.

“He and Elain only started dating around a month ago, so I want him to explain to me how my sister is about four and a half months pregnant.”

He stilled at that and watched as Rhys turned to look at Nesta full of shock - as if he didn’t believe her at all. Azriel’s expression was full of guilt as he tried and failed to explain.

“I- We just-,” a sigh, as if he was accepting defeat. “How do you know? I- it happened at that party we threw here. The two of us were drunk and we left to go to my room when I noticed how uncomfortable she was when Cass started a game of spin the bottle. We were going to tell everyone, but we just weren’t ready.”

Fuck, it was true. His brother had knocked up the sweetest girl in existence.

“Elain was in one of the fitting rooms trying on things Feyre picked when she collapsed. She wasn’t responding and she was unconscious by the time we got the door open and I had to call an ambulance.”

Azriel was on his feet faster than a speeding bullet, scarred hands shaking as he struggled to breathe.

“Is she alright? Are they alright?” He was near sobbing as he asked.

Nesta just stared blank faced at him and both he and Rhys flinched when Az, someone that had never raised his voice in anger, shouted;

“Fucking tell me, Nesta!”

“She collapsed from dehydration, so they’ve got her hooked up to an IV to get some fluids into her.”

“What about the baby?” Az asked. His voice was soft and shaky. Cassian had never seen his brother so scared, not even when he turned up at the door bloody and burnt all those years ago.

“The baby is fine.”

He felt his heart ache slightly then when Azriel really did start sobbing, one hand clutching Rhys’ shoulder and the other covering his face. It all sunk in fully at the sight and despite the tension in the room, he grinned.

“Lainy is having a baby? I’m going to be an Uncle?”

His girlfriend turned in his arms and stared at him for a moment before closing her eyes and grimacing.

_Not good._

“Not if my Father has anything to do with it. He’s on his way to the hospital and if he’s off the rails again...this will not end well.”

_Really, really not good._

oOoOo

Elain had barely spoken since she had woken up in the hospital to the sound of Nesta’s angry voice and Feyre’s soothing tones.

_She blinked slowly trying to open her eyes, and was met with bright lights that had her squinting. Nesta was shouting but she didn’t know who or what she was shouting at._

_“What the fuck do you mean she’s pregnant?”_

_Oh shit, shit, shit._

_Feyre’s voice was soft as she tried to calm their sister down but it didn’t seem to be working from what she could tell._

_“Nes calm down and let him speak.”_

_The doctor was visible now and, despite how bored he sounded, she could tell that he was slightly scared of Nesta. Who wouldn’t be when faced with the person everyone called the ‘she devil’?_

_“I’m sorry Miss. Archeron, but your sister really is pregnant. About four months and a few weeks along, actually.”_

_Nesta was already storming out of the room when she finally made her mouth work._

_“Fey? I di-...I was going to tell you.”_

_Her sister was by her side in an instant, cradling her face between her palms._

_“Shh, it’s alright El. She’ll come around but, uh, Dad is on his way.”_

_No, no, no._

_“But he’ll-...he’s going to make me-“_

_“Elain, listen to me. You and Azriel have clearly made a decision. I will not let him take that from you. None of us will.”_

_She sobbed in her sister's arms then, sobbed until her voice was hoarse and she fell asleep from exhaustion._

Now she was sitting in her hospital bed waiting for a nurse to come in to take her for an ultrasound. They wanted to double check that everything with the baby was fine, so as much as she wanted to get out of the place, she would stay. For her baby, she would do everything that was necessary. Feyre was sitting in the chair on the other side of the room reading a magazine, and Elain was just about to ask if she could have a glass of water when there was a light knock at the door and a nurse walked in with her head down.

“Now Mis- wait Archeron? Elain?”

Elain’s head snapped up to see Rhys’ mother, Azriel and Cassian’s adoptive mother, Elysia, wide-eyed and gaping slightly in the doorway. As soon as she realised it really was who was written down, she rushed over to the bed, her ‘mom mode’ dial turned right up, fretting over her and lifting a hand to cup one side of her face.

“Gods, Elain, I had no idea you were here. If I had known I’d have come right away. This says you’re pregnant, is that, is it true?"

“Yes.” 

She said it as a whisper, knowing what question would come next and silently bracing herself for the woman’s next reaction.

“Who’s the father? Is it Lucien?”

_This is going to be fun._

“No ma’am, it’s not. The father is Azriel.”

She expected to see anger and disappointment on Elysia’s face, but instead she saw shock and surprise. It looked like she had no idea that Elain and Az were together, but there was a smile on her face as she spoke again.

“I’m going to be a Grandma? And what’s all of this ‘ma’am’ business? How many times do I have to tell you girls to call me Lys?”

All she could do was smile warily and nod, and then the next thing she knew, she was brought into a bone crushing hug.

“I haven’t had a chance to have a real conversation with the boys in weeks with all of the overtime and extra shifts, I had no idea you were together. I’m going to be right here every step of the way now though, although I do wish you’d waited a while longer.”

“I’m sorry, Lys.”

“Nonsense. Now, let me get that ultrasound done, yes? Once they realise what I am to you they won’t let me do another, but you’ll be waiting forever for another nurse.”

While Elysia fiddled around with the machine, Feyre came over with a grin and helped her adjust her shirt ready. Before she had the horribly cold gel squeezed onto her abdomen, Elysia asked her one final question that Elain had no idea would scare her so much, but make her so incredibly excited all at once.

“Before we start, would you like to know the gender of your baby?”

Yes, yes she would.

oOoOo

It had been half an hour since Feyre had phoned Nesta to say they were on the way home, the Archeron’s home, and Azriel had run straight to his car, eager to meet them there. The others had followed, because of course they would. Nesta had told him that his mother knew now, as she had ended up being Elain’s nurse, and that their father had never turned up at the hospital. His brothers were almost vibrating with energy, obviously hoping to witness the scolding he would surely soon receive from their mother.

He was now pacing in front of the steps to the house, waiting for his mother’s familiar car to pull into the driveway and by the time he did see it, he was surprised he hadn’t burned a hole into the floor. As soon as Elain had stepped out of the car and began walking towards the house, he was running and he didn’t stop until he’d reached her and lifted her into his arms.

“Gods, you scared me so fucking much Ellie. You’re not leaving my sight again.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He put her back onto her feet, but didn’t let go of her, keeping her tucked into his chest. He kissed all over her face before reluctantly pulling back and linking their hands together.

“But, you’re alright now though? Everything’s okay?”

“Yes, I’m alright, I promise.”

He didn’t want to ask the next question, but he had to. He had to know or he’d drive himself mad with worry.

“And the baby?”

Elain smiled at him then. That wide and beautifully bright smile that made him feel as if his legs would give out under him.

“Yes, she’s fine too.”

_She. A girl._

He was going to have a girl, a beautiful little girl. He cried then, in front of everyone, lifting Elain back into his arms as he breathed out three little words that he hadn’t realised he’d felt until that moment.

“I love you. God, I love you.”

Azriel heard the catch in her breath before she crashed her mouth into his. It was hard and rough before he slowed it down, making it gentler. Their families were watching, but, in that moment, he didn’t care. He parted her lips with his as he tangled a hand in her hair, swallowing her moan as he ran his tongue across the roof of her mouth. She bit his lip and pulled before letting go and he _felt_ the words as she spoke them... making it feel so much more intimate.

“I love you too.”

He tucked her face into the crook of his neck and then looked over her shoulder to see his mother with tears in her eyes, grinning widely at them both. Just as he was about to smile back, the sound of a car engine stopped him, and they all turned to see a car speeding into the drive, watching as it almost swerved into a wall. It pulled to a screeching stop, and then the girls’ father was stumbling out of the driver’s door, clearly drunk as he swayed from side to side with a half empty beer bottle in his hand. When he caught sight of Elain in Azriel’s arms, his face turned murderous.

And then he was coming at them, and Az only had a second to push Elain behind him before her father pulled back his arm with the bottle in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks from my hidey hole* I want you all to remember that I love you😬


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is late, I've been having trouble trying to upload so I hope you can forgive a lass:)
> 
> SMUT WARNING! Eh I don’t know if it’s good, it’s most likely terrible but I tried. It’s milder than the smut that’s out there but I still gotta warn people:)
> 
> Warnings: Brief violence in this one. There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

Azriel had never seen his brothers move as fast as they did in that moment. One second Elain’s father was running at them, arm raised, and in the next, Cass and Rhys had the man by his shoulder and were pushing him back. He tried again but the boys were like a wall of concrete, there was no breaking through. Nesta and Feyre were at Elain’s side after that, holding her and fussing as she cried and stared in shock at the man who’d raised her. He moved to stand in front of his mother when she began shouting and the drunkard turned his anger on her.

“Weylan! That’s your daughter and _my_ son. How fucking dare you?!”

Mister Archeron simply sneered at her, swaying on unsteady legs as he said absolutely awful things about his own flesh and blood.

“As I understand it Lys, my beloved _daughter_ ,” he spat the word as if it disgusted him “went and got herself knocked up. The way I see it, she’s no better than a common whore. If it wasn’t for her, for any of them, I’d still have my wife. And now, I’m going to be the laughing stock of the town because the little tramp couldn’t keep her legs closed.”

Feyre was crying now, tears streaming down her face, Nesta had put on a blank and dead seeming look and Elain had wrapped her arms around her waist as if that would protect her. He couldn’t help it then, after the way Weylan had said such horrid things about the girls. About his lovely Ellie. Azriel’s fist met the man’s face with a sickening crunch and blood spewed from Weylan’s nose as he dropped to his knees, cursing and grunting in pain.

“Come anywhere near my family again, Mister Archeron, and you will not like the consequences.” He left the man there and turned to go back to Elain, catching his mother’s proud look, Rhys’ smug one and saw that Cassian had both Nes and Feyre under each of his arms, whispering words of love and comfort no doubt. When he reached the girl who had stolen his heart, he tipped her head up to look at him and brushed away the few remaining tears and kissed each of her cheeks before placing one to her lips.

“Let’s get you inside to grab some things and then I’ll take you home, to my home. I’ll make you a nice dinner and then you can relax, yeah?”

She only nodded, such emptiness on her face that it made him wish he’d given her father much more than a broken nose. Azriel drops his hand to link his fingers through hers, gently leading her up to the house. The others had moved inside since, all sat in the living room as his mother provided everyone with what looked to be hot chocolate and he leaned down to tell Elain to go up and pack. Once she was gone he turned to face everyone else, breathing in deep before he explained what was going on.

“I won’t be home tonight Mom, I want to take Ellie to the house, my house, so she can be alone and rest for a few hours at least.” She sat next to Nesta rubbing her back gently as Cass played with her fingers; turning away from where she watched as Rhys rocked Feyre gently back and forth in his lap, and smiled at him. 

“That’s alright sweetheart, just make sure she eats, she needs it.” She turned to address the girls as if they were her own. “You two are coming home with us, I don’t want you alone with your father anymore. He can’t be trusted at the moment, but I’ll come back tomorrow before my shift and see if he’s sober. Maybe I can convince him to get proper help.” There was no response, only a nod from Nesta.

The stairs creaked a little and he turned, breath catching and heart rate picking up. Elain had changed into soft sweats, a pale pink tee, with her long brown locks tied on the top of her head. Her freckles were standing out along the bridge of her nose and her deep brown eyes seemed to have a little sparkle to them. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. Someone cleared their throat behind him and he whipped his back, so fast he thought he might have whiplash, to see Cassian smirking and wiggling his brows. Az simply flipped him off, murmuring a goodbye to everyone before leading his girlfriend out of the house and to his car. Weylan was still out there, drinking again but it didn’t look like he noticed them as they got into the car so he simply reversed it from the drive, keeping a hand on Elain’s thigh, just for the sake of touching her. When he turned his head a few minutes later, she looked so very tired that he couldn’t help when he said;

“Sleep baby, I’ll wake you in a little bit.”

Her response was a mumble, her eyes already closing, “Okay. I love you.”

He smiled without restraint, feeling like his heart would burst.

“I love you too, Sunshine.”

oOoOo

Elain woke when she felt an arm under her knees and shoulders, and then was lifted. She blinked tired eyelids to find herself in Azriel’s arms. He was carrying her and her bag and was now trying to unlock the door with only one hand.

“Put me down you big idiot, you’re making life harder carrying all of my weight around and I’ll have you know that I can walk perfectly fine.” He rolled his eyes and then smugly winked at her when the lock clicked and he managed to push the door open. He placed her down in the living room and kissed her forehead before speaking gently;

“You weigh nothing El, stop being ridiculous.”

“I do Az, and it’s only going to get worse from here on out.”

“You won’t be getting fat if that’s what you believe, you’ll be carrying a child, my child. I’ll carry you both wherever you wish it.” She couldn’t help her blush and tried to move her gaze away but he cupped her face before she had the chance, “I mean it, and you’ll always be beautiful in my eyes. Now, why don’t you go and take a nice hot shower and get those jammies on while I make us something to eat, hmm?”

She kissed his cheek with a quick ‘thank you’ before making her way up the stairs and made her way to the room they used, the one with an en suite. The shower was easy enough to figure out and Elain stripped out of her clothes as she let the water warm up. There was a full length mirror in the room and she couldn’t help but stare as she stood there, bare as the day she was born. Her brows furrowed as her eyes roamed her form and stopped on the view of her stomach. Turning her body, she stood to get a look from the side and gasped, because with a clearer view, she could see the small bump beginning form. Elain ran gentle fingers over it as she climbed into the shower, the heat good for her aching muscles. The growing happiness she was feeling vanished the minute she closed her eyes, her father’s words and angry face invading her mind.

_“No better than a common whore.”_

_“If it wasn’t for her, for any of them, I’d still have my wife.”_

_“The little tramp couldn’t keep her legs closed.”_

She must have spent the whole shower spaced out and crying once again because she hadn’t realised that the shower was now running cold. Stepping back out and turning off the water, she wrapped a fluffy towel around her body and walked back into the bedroom. Just as her arms reached for her clothes, Azriel came through the door, and her eyes widened as her hands clutched the towel to her chest.

“Elain! I was jus-”

When he saw her, it looked as if his eyes were going to pop out, looking her up and down before he looked back at her face and instantly covering his eyes with his hands. The blush adorning his cheeks did not go unmissed by her.

“Fuck El, I’m sorry, I didn’t think. I was only coming up to as-”

He was starting to ramble and Elain knew he wouldn’t stop unless she did something so she walked over and gently took a hold of his wrists and brought his hands away from his face. It stopped him talking but he didn’t look at her, just kept his eyes trained on the ceiling as if the patterns were the most interesting thing in the room.

“It’s okay Az, you’re allowed to see. I just wasn’t expecting you to come up that’s all and besides, you’ve seen it all before or we wouldn’t be having a baby, would we?”

“That’s different, it will always be different. I should have knocked.”

There was only one thing she could do to make him believe that she meant it, something she had been thinking about but had no idea if she was ready for it. But she was ready now; she wanted him, all of him. She steeled her voice to not give away her nerves as she whispered, “Look at me.”

He did, slowly, and when their eyes met, she moved his hands to the knot in the towel that was keeping it on her body. Elain heard as his breath caught and felt his hands begin to shake, grabbing them tighter as he tried to pull away.

“Elain...”

She couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her lips, knowing this was going to be his reaction. “You asked me to promise you that I wouldn’t do anything unless I was absolutely sure. I’m sure that I want you, that I love you. Don’t you want to?”

“Of course I do, it’s all I think about sometimes.”

She brought her hands up to his hair, scratching along his scalp, knowing that it was something that he liked. “Then what’s wrong?”

He touched their foreheads together and closed his eyes and she felt his response breathed against her lips, “I’m just nervous. You don’t remember your first time so this is basically all new to you. I don’t want to fuck up; I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she dragged his hands back to the towel and undid the knot with him “I swear you won’t.” The towel dropped but she didn’t look away from him, she just watched as Azriel slowly dropped his eyes to look at her, and then felt his scarred hands glide along her sides to her hip then further, across her ass to grip her thighs before he lifted her onto his waist. He walked to bed and slowly lowered her onto her back before climbing over her, his fingertips drifting along her stomach and freezing there. Now seeming to realise the signs of his, no _their_ , growing child.

“Is- Is that what I think it is?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

He laughed as his eyes filled with tears and he rested his whole hand there as he kissed her. It was hard and rough, his teeth sinking into her bottom lip before he soothed the ache with his tongue. She brought her hands up to grip his shoulders as she deepened the kiss, arching her back slightly to push their hips together and feeling Azriel moan against her mouth before pulling away. His eyes had darkened, just a rim of hazel left, lips red and parted with quick breaths. His hands moved up to her breasts, fingers of one hand circling a peaked nipple, making her whine as he whispered;

“So perfect.”

Elain’s hands drifted down his back to grip the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head when he nodded. She didn’t even get to look at him for very long and then his mouth was on her again, only this time he was sucking and biting her neck, leaving a few marks before travelling lower. Her nails dug into skin as he ran his tongue over a nipple, closing his mouth over it while his hand massaged the other. He switched after a few minutes before he started to move down again. She tensed as his kisses reached below her navel, a question rising in her throat.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking care of you.”

“But you- you’re-”

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t. I just, girls say it’s good, enjoyable.” He shrugged, a sheepish look on his face as their eyes met.

“You mean you’ve never...”

Azriel shook his head and smiled, just the corners of his mouth rising a little. “No, I never cared for it, it was always about me. But I care about you Ellie, let me make this good for you.”

She nodded, albeit a little hesitantly, and then he was in between her thighs again, placing open mouthed kisses there before his tongue was between her folds. There was no stopping the obscenely loud cry she let out, twisting her hand through his hair and pulling tight, causing him to moan into her. He didn’t relent, tongue moving in and out of her, occasionally moving to suck on that little bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs.

“Gods Az. I need...” She had to force the words out, too overrun with pleasure to form a coherent thought.

But it was like he already knew because he brought up his right hand, pushing two fingers in alongside that mischievous tongue as he watched her. There were too many sensations, making her eyes roll back into her head but Elain forced herself to grip his hair once more, pulling him up to kiss her. She could taste herself but that was the last thing on her mind when the sound of his zipper filled the room. When she pulled back to run her mouth and tongue over his shoulder, she noticed he was only in his boxers and decided it was her to turn to make him feel good. Her hands trailed down his chest to his stomach, running her fingers along the top of his waistband and eventually dipping inside. As her hand wrapped around him, he dropped his head into the sheets below them and groaned while she gave a few tentative strokes. When she figured out he was enjoying it, she gripped her hand tighter and sped up, but didn’t get to do so for long as his hand stilled her wrist.

“If you keep going like that, this will not last.” And so she let go, only to drag that last barrier between them away. She gasped when it was gone and the hardest part of him touched the softest part of her. Azriel linked a hand with one of hers and moved her other to his back, letting his free one grip his length, guiding himself between her folds but not entering.

“Tell me to stop El, tell me you don’t want this.”

“ _Don’t_ stop, please don’t stop.”

He closed his eyes and breathed out as he pushed in and she squeezed his hand tight, dragging her nails down his back. When he was buried to the hilt, she felt lips on her forehead, nose, cheeks and then a final brush against her own. His hand moved down her leg, gripping under her knee to wrap around his waist, the other following naturally. He kept his own forehead pressed to hers, as if he needed it to ground him, needed something to stay in control.

“Baby? Can I move?”

There were no words, no thoughts, just him and her and everywhere they touched, so all she could do was nod. His hips pulled back slowly before thrusting back in with more force and her brain finally caught up with how she was feeling and she moaned loudly which Az seemed to like as he thrust harder again, rocking them together steadily, bringing his thumb to her clit and rubbing in circles as she arched her back and moved her own hips to meet his. After a while she could see the sweat beginning to form along his brown and the dips of his collarbone, feeling the stickiness of her own skin too. She brought her hand from his back to his ass and squeezed, pulling him to move faster against her, making him let out another moan of his own. Too soon, she felt that heat in the pit of her stomach as it coiled tighter and she met his eyes with her own wild ones, vision starting to go white.

“Together Elain, we go together.” He groaned out, thumb moving in faster, harder circles, his movements erratic and their hips falling out of rhythm. She didn’t know whether it was him, his words or his hands but when she finally fell over that cliff he indeed fell with her, his muscles tensing underneath her touch as her head tipped back in a final cry of pleasure. As she was coming down from that high, she felt his face in the crook of her neck whispering words that made fall apart over and over again as his hand cradled that tiny little bump that meant so much.

_“I love you, both of you. Till the day I die and after that too.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I love you all<3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is actually set up as 16 chapters, maybe an extra one so we’re not that far off of the end wow! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing this and I hoped you’ve all liked reading it:))
> 
> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

Azriel could not stop smiling. Afterwards, he’d left with a kiss to her forehead, going to the bathroom to clean up and when he came back, she was already asleep. He’d expected her to be fully dressed, but nope, not his Ellie. She was laying fully nude still on top of the sheets, and so he’d simply grabbed a blanket before joining her and covering them both.

It had been around three hours since then and sleep had still not pulled him under, he was just watching Elain’s face while she slept and occasionally letting himself run his eyes over the expanse of such beautiful naked skin. She was amazing in every way and now he knew what he’d been missing. Whenever he was with other girls, it was quick and to the point and if he was being really honest, not much fun at all. It had only ever been about getting off with them, but with Elain, he’d wanted it to last, he’d wanted to make it good. He thought that he might have only been able to give her something quick and mildly pleasurable, but it was far from it. The way she’d touched him was like nothing he’d ever felt and gods, did he want her hands everywhere all of the time. The inexperience of it made it better, made it real. She didn’t fake her moans or breathy pleas; she didn’t pretend to know what she was doing. The way she’d looked at him, as if he was the most precious thing in her world, made him want to live up to that.

He wanted a whole lifetime of this, not just the sex. But to be able to hold her, to fall asleep with her, knowing she’d be right by his side the next day. People would say he was naive and a fool for thinking such things at eighteen years old, but he knew what he wanted. He wanted that life with the girl he loved, with their baby, and thought of it made his heart feel full to bursting.

Looking down at her now, Azriel knew he would never find another girl as perfect as she was. Never find anyone who came close to this thing they shared between them and he was going to hold onto this for as long as he could.

He let the tiredness set in as he settled next to her, watching as she turned to adjust to the movement, her back against his chest and her skin warming his where they touched. His arm wrapped around her waist, hand cradling his baby, and finally allowed the darkness to swallow him.

oOoOo

Elain woke to a tickling sensation running across her skin, starting at the top of her spine and down over her ass, where little circles were traced on her thighs before it retraced its path. Her eyes opened slowly and she was met with familiar hazel ones gazing back and she realised the tickling was Azriel and his gentle fingers. He smiled when he noticed she was awake but didn’t stop the movement of his fingers and gave her kiss, that when she tried to deepen it, he groaned and pulled away from her.

“Not so fast, sunshine, we have things to do today.” She huffed before burying her face back into her pillow.

“But I want to stay here, in bed, with you.”

“You have no idea how much I wished we could, but my mother text saying she managed to get you and the girls the day off of school, but I have to go.”

Her head shot up then, completely forgetting about school over the weekend they’d had and noticed the clock only read 7:00am. Why the hell had he woke her up so early?

“You have two hours, why in the gods are we awake Az?”

His expression turned sheepish as the tickling stopped and he layed back down beside her, “I wanted to know you were alright and I have to take you back to mine before Nesta kills me.”

“Why wouldn’t I be alright?” He not so subtly glanced down low before meeting her eyes once more. Oh. _Oh._

“Are we going to have this conversation every time we have sex?”

“Every fucking time, Elain. I won’t hurt you again. I _won’t_.”

Elain couldn’t help but watch as he took his hands away and rolled onto his back, baring all that tanned skin. Her mouth dried up at the sight because gods, he was beautiful.

_Shut up, stupid hormones._

She reached out to him, to touch, to hold, to do _anything_ but before she could, he took hold of her hand and brought it to his face, placing little kisses to her palm and then held it against his cheek, closing his eyes. His fears would always be there, she knew, but she didn’t want him to feel that way. To be scared of himself. And so she told him what he needed just then;

“I’m alright, truly alright. Last night was perfect. You were perfect, Az.”

When he opened his eyes again, she could see the tears forming but he didn’t let them fall as he said, “Come on, love, time to get dressed so I can drop you off with Feyre and Nes. The boys will shoot me if I’m late and I don’t feel like listening to Cassian’s ridiculous jokes today.”

Elain rolled her eyes, knowing that she’d soothed that worry enough for now and slid out of bed to take a quick shower. Once she stood there was another groan, but this time it was much similar to the night before, and it was then she remembered she was naked. Turning her head over her shoulder she saw Azriel biting his lip and a pillow strategically placed in front of him. She smirked as she said in a voice she thought was quite sultry, “If you hurry up we can share but the offer only stands for so long.” She gave a wink before continuing over to the bathroom and let out a squeal when she was lifted and was slapped lightly on her ass.

“I’ll have no teasing from you, Miss Archeron.” He said it with a growl and she felt it everywhere and couldn’t help but laugh.

Life was good, especially with him by her side.

oOoOo

When he pulled up outside of the house, the others were already stood outside waiting, Cassian whispering in Nesta’s ear which made her smack him over the back of his head and Rhysand was placing little kisses all over Feyre’s face, who he could see was trying very hard not to laugh. Azriel was out of the car and around the other side within seconds after cutting the engine off in order to open Elain’s door for her. She rolled her eyes at him and swatted his hand away when he offered to help her out of the car. “Go away, you mother hen. I’m perfectly capable of getting out of the car.”

He let out a small laugh at his new title and said, “I know you can do it El, I just like to help, that's all. And also I just like the excuse to touch you.”

She pressed onto her tiptoes and gave him one, two and a final chaste kiss to his lips before pulling back a pressing one to his nose. “I know.”

He could only watch as she walked away from him and both of his brothers came down to the car, Rhys standing next to him as he had called shotgun and Cass grumpily walking around the other side to sit in the back. Before walking back to the driver’s seat he shouted over to Elain, who was now sandwiched between her sisters, “I love you, both of you!”

Nesta smirked as she retorted, “Come on Az, I know I’m not your favourite but it’s not fair that Fey gets love and I don’t!”

“Fuck you, Nes!” He flipped her off as Cass laughed while getting into the car and Rhys blew a couple of kisses before doing the same. Just as Azriel was about to drive off he turned his head to the window just in time to see Elain blow a kiss into her hand and throw it. Leaning his arm out, he pretended to catch it, bringing his hand to his chest before leaving.

Not even ten minutes into the drive to school and Cassian couldn’t hold himself back any longer. “So, how was last night, dearest brother?”

“Eat shit Cass, I’m not telling you anything.”

Rhys laughed at that as he changed the station on the radio and replied before Cass could cry about not getting answers, “Leave him be you big buffoon, we never as-”

The words were cut off by Cassian yelling from the backseat. “Azriel, there’s a goddamn truck. Move!”

All of his instincts screamed _protect, protect, protect_ , and so he spun the car to the right, taking the impact away from his brothers.

His last view was Rhys’ panicked face and the sound of Cass yelling before everything was swallowed by darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jumps into the void* you can’t find me here so therefore I cannot be killed😏


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for being late, but these get uploaded from my laptop and I’ve had internet problems. 
> 
> Here we are with the new chapter, and I’m sure you’ve been waiting after that cliff hanger;)
> 
> Warnings: Injury descriptions in this one. There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

_Everything was dark and then it wasn’t. He was standing in a wide open field, sun shining and blue skies, when he heard a tiny giggle to his left. Turning his head, Azriel saw a girl, who looked to be in her teens, with brown eyes and dark hair that was blowing in the wind as she walked through the grass, letting the blades tickle her hand. Behind her was the girl he loved so dearly but she was older, the corner of her eyes wrinkled and her hair was much lighter. When they reached a spot they deemed acceptable, Elain laid out a blanket and the two of them sat side by side staring up at the clouds, chatting idly. As he walked closer, he finally caught onto part of their conversation, the girl asking in a small voice, “Hey, Mom?”_

_“Yes sweetheart?”_

_The girl twisted something on her thumb, which he realized was the thumb ring he had in his draw at home, part of a matching trio where the other two belonged to Rhys and Cass. They all had little swirling patterns on them; however, the only difference would be the little gem each of them held. Rhys’ was purple, Cass had red and his own had blue._

_“Do you miss Dad?” He was right there, they didn’t need to miss him, and she didn’t need to miss him. He shouted but they didn’t turn, didn’t move and so he moved directly in front of them but still, they didn’t acknowledge his presence. Elain’s eyes widened but only a fraction, turning and tucking a rogue curl behind the girl’s ear._

_“Of course I miss him, I miss him more every day. But if he was here, he’d be so incredibly proud of you.” She wiped a tear from his daughter’s cheek and all he could do was scream at them. He was right there; there was nothing wrong so why wouldn’t they look at him?_

_He dropped to his knees on that blanket and reached for them but when his fingers made contact, he couldn’t feel anything and neither did they. Azriel was crying now, trying everything to get them to look, to listen, and to touch. Nothing. Elain started again her smile widening as she spoke, “Did I ever tell you abou-”_

_She was cut off as everything began to fade and his family disappeared before him, he moved, to do what he didn’t know but just as he reached for his loves, his vision became black once more._

His eyes opened blearily to bright lights above his head and the blurry features of faces while there was a loud beeping sound in his ears. It felt as though he was moving and he realised he was in a vehicle of some sort. He tried to speak, to move his arms but he was held in place by a pair of hands. “Easy there, we thought we lost you for a minute there, but you’re going to be alright.” Something was settled over his face and his eyes began to feel heavy again. “That’s it, we’ve got you now, and you’re okay.”

Just before he let the soothing words send him into that calm place, he managed to breathe the most important word through dry lips.

“Elain.”

oOoOo

Elain couldn’t breathe as she, Feyre and Nesta moved as quickly as they could through the hospital, her nails digging into the palms of her hands as she tried to hold herself together. The frantic call they’d had only thirty minutes ago had made her heart drop to the bottom of her stomach.

_They had all settled in the basement that the boys had converted, content to binge watch a new comedy series, Feyre with a bowl of popcorn and Nesta fussing to make sure Elain was settled when the sound of ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ started ringing through the room. She was confused until Feyre gave a long suffering sigh. “Sorry, Rhys set it as his new ringtone the other day and I forgot to change it back. Hold on.” Her sister got up and walked across the room, realising she’d left her phone on the table and jested as she answered the call;_

_“You left me barely twenty minutes ago, miss me already?” Suddenly her face became serious and worried which put Elain on edge._

_“Rhys, slow down and tell me again.” Slowly, all of the colour drained from her face and her eyes lined with silver as she brought a hand up to her mouth. She nodded at something her boyfriend said but remembered he couldn’t see her and responded with, “Yes, we’ll come.”_

_And then Elain watched as she hung up, hands shaking and blinked over at her and Nesta before she explained whatever the phone call was about. “H-he said there w-was an accident,” a few tears dropped from her face as she blinked at them, “they were hit by a truck and the car... Rhys said to come as quickly as we could.”_

She didn’t even remember how they got here but right now she didn’t care, she just had to find him. The three of them were about to turn down a corner when a nurse tried to stop them, but before she could even get a word out, there was a shout from down the corridor. “Nesta!”

Three pairs of eyes turned to see Rhys running towards them, and he looked absolutely awful, which caused Elain to feel a twist in her gut. He had a large, but not extremely deep, cut through his left eyebrow and ran slightly down his cheek, which would no doubt scar. He had bruises along his jaw and he was smeared with blood, while he moved with a slight limp. Feyre let out a choked sob as she moved towards him, crashing into his chest. He winced slightly but held onto her as he pleaded with Nesta, “Please you have to hurry. I can’t calm him down, neither can my mother but he’s going to hurt himself more if he doesn’t stop.”

Nesta moved like lightning in the direction he had just come from, Rhys hot on her heels. Feyre dropped her pace to match Elain as she herself couldn’t quite move fast enough. When they reached where they were supposed to be, her heart cracked at the sight. Cassian was screaming and crying, outright trying to destroy the place. His arm was cradled to his chest in some kind of sling and there was a rip in his jeans, exposing a large gash on his thigh. Elysia was crying from the sidelines, in pain at the fact she could not help her son and there were doctors yelling at him to sit down, to let them treat him but he wouldn’t listen. He stopped and turned around, eyes wide with fear when Nesta’s soft voice pierced through his breakdown.

“My love, please stop.”

They boy Elain had always seen laughing and joking, just overall happy at all times of the day, was gone. In that moment he was a broken shell of what he was and dropped to his knees in front of the girl he loved as he sobbed and sobbed, each one sending a tremor through his body as he pushed out garbled words. “The fucking idiot...stupid martyr...turned the car...”

Her sister kept herself composed as she too dropped to her knees in front of Cass, wrapping her arms around his neck and rocking him from side to side as she whispered soothing words into his ear. Elain let her eyes move away from the scene to roam around the room, catching sight of Rhys with Feyre’s face tucked into his chest as he cried silently. She quickly passed over all the mess, seeing the doctors slowly move towards the broken boy on the floor as if he was a timid deer. Through all her scanning, she didn’t see the hazel eyes she longed to see, she didn’t feel scarred yet gentle hands take a hold of her waist like they did in the shower this morning. When her eyes landed on Elysia, she couldn’t stop the hitch in her breath as she asked the question that she dreaded the answer to, “Where is he, Lys?”

The older woman walked over to her, taking her hands into her own and caressing the backs of them gently with her thumbs. “The boys say that when he saw the truck, Az turned the car so that he would take the impact,” a choked sound tore through Elain’s chest at the words, “he was trapped inside the car when help arrived and they had to cut him out. He has internal bleeding and he hit his head pretty hard and he’s in surgery right now but the doctors said...”

She didn’t like the way Lys trailed off, but realising this was difficult to do, she urged her on in soft tones. “The doctors said what, Lys? Please tell me.”

“Part of his left leg was severely crushed Elain, they said they were going to have to amputate below the knee just before they took him in.”

She couldn’t stop herself then as she turned and heaved all of the contents in her stomach onto the floor. It wasn’t because Lys said they were amputating, though it did scare her, it was because he was alive. When she hadn’t seen him there and was a witness to his brother’s breakdown, she had feared the worst possible scenario. But everything was fine and Azriel was alive. Their little girl would get to know her daddy and he her. She was manoeuvred to sit in a chair, her head between her knees as someone rubbed soothing circles on her back. Elain faintly heard people talking but she pushed all thoughts from her head, letting everything fade into the background except for one little word that meant so much.

_Alive, alive, alive._

oOoOo

Rhys had agreed to go home with Feyre, to rest for a while and then come back with everything they would need. Once the adrenaline died out, Cass had been overloaded with pain and taken to be sorted out. His arm was actually found to be broken and the gash on his thigh needed stitches, Nesta staying by his side the whole time. He would forever be grateful to his girls’ sister for doing what he could not. Elain stayed at the hospital with his mother, seeming to be in no condition to even move from her chair after she had thrown up all over the floor.

When they got home, he let Feyre lead him up to his room and once they were inside, she slowly began to undress him. He tried to protest, his only injury was the cut on his face and he could easily change himself but she silenced him with a glare. When she had him down to just his boxers, she put his clothes into the hamper before guiding him to the bed and pushing him to lie down. Satisfied she stripped and stood before him in nothing but a pair of lace panties before throwing on his shirt from the night before and climbing into the bed beside him, tangling their legs together and lifting one hand to his injured face. The doctors had put a few stitches in the deepest part and put little strips of that weird white tape stuff onto it. He knew that things were tense and sensitive but he couldn’t help joking, “It’s going to leave a pretty hot scar huh?”

_Wrong thing to do._

Her eyes filled with tears as she held his face in her hand and her bottom lip trembled, so he brought his hand up to press his thumb into it. “None of that Feyre, I’m sorry. I just wanted you to smile again.” She nodded before burying her face into his chest, throwing a leg over his hip and wrapping her arms around him. Her voice was muffled against his skin when she spoke after a few minutes.

“What happened?”

He let out a small sigh as he explained from the exact moment they had left the girls that morning, right up to where his eyes had opened in the overturned car. “Cass managed to get his seatbelt off but didn’t brace himself and all of his weight dropped onto his arm. He kicked one of the back doors open before helping me out when he realised I was conscious. We tried to get to Azriel but it was no use and someone came running over to say they had called for help.”

Feyre began shaking in his arms a little and he squeezed tighter as he gathered the courage to tell her the most important part, something that he hadn’t explained to anyone but Cassian. “There’s more,” a nod for him to go on, “while we were waiting for the ambulance and keeping an eye on Az, I turned to look at the truck. As I did, there was a familiar logo on the side of it as the driver stumbled out.”

“Who was it?”

_Deep breaths, Rhys. She’ll be hurt but you have to be the one to tell her._

“It was your father, baby.” Feyre gasped and pushed herself away from him and out of his reach. When he put his hand out towards her she batted it away as the tears came in full force. He knew she was hurt, but he pushed forward. “Mother sent a text this morning after she left saying that he wasn’t where we left him the day before and that car was still in the drive but not his work truck. He must have seen us on the road and made an impulse decision, because when he stumbled out onto the road, he tipped his head back and laughed and disappeared before I could move.”

Her trembling stopped and she scooted back over to him, kissing him soundly on the lips with a mumbled “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t you driving that truck, you shouldn’t be apologising. I tried talking to the officers when we were at the scene but they were too worried about getting us to the hospital. They said they would come to the hospital later to get our stories when we were cleared to do so.”

She touched the cut on his face once more before their gazes met, her eyes fierce and full of fire. “You tell them every single thing, leave nothing out. I want him to pay for it. All of you could have died; Azriel could have died without even getting to meet his fucking kid.”

All Rhys could do was nod. He’d had the same thoughts when the paramedics were trying to keep his brother from crashing when he was pulled from the car.

He felt like he’d just closed his eyes when his phone went off as he received a text. Gently reaching his arm over the girl fast asleep next to him, he grabbed his phone from the small table and he saw it was now mid afternoon. They had been sleeping for about four hours now. Unlocking his phone he saw that the text was from Nesta and he almost cried with joy at the words he read.

_He’s awake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading all of your feedback and reactions to this so keep em coming!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucien is back in this, I had thought he had a part like two chapters ago? But going back I might have deleted his scene😬
> 
> Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

Everything was white, why the fuck was everything so white?

Azriel felt blinded by being in such a bright room and there was an annoying beeping that he wished would just stop. His whole body ached and he groaned in pain trying to lift his body but then there was a hand gently pushing his shoulder down, and a voice that sounded like goddamn heaven.

“I don’t think so, mister, you keep your butt where it is.” Blinking a few times, he turned his head to the sound of that beautiful voice and saw Elain standing next to him with tears in her eyes. Panic set in at the thought of her being upset and he wanted nothing more than to hold her.

“W-why are you crying baby? What’s wrong?” There was deep laughter from somewhere across the room and a sharp pain shot through his neck with how fast his head moved. Cassian was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, one arm in a sling and he now had on a pair of shorts which exposed a thigh wrapped in bandages. Nesta was on his other side, holding the hand of his good arm, gently rubbing her thumb back and forth.

“You were just in a major car accident, you expect your girl to be all sunshine and roses about it?”

Fuck the car accident. It all rushed back to him at once, the laughing and pestering and then a shout and finally darkness. Cass had shouted about a truck just as Rhys was-“Oh god. Rhys where is Rhys?”

“He’s alright. He was allowed to go home, so we sent him back with Feyre to rest. They’re both on the way back now.”

He finally forced himself to sit up, hating the way Elain’s eyes went wide in fear and so he took her hand and squeezed to let her know it was alright, but as his legs shifted, that’s when he felt it. All of the breaths in his lungs left him in one go, and he knew something bad when all of the eyes in the room watched him, so full of pain. Azriel closed his eyes once more as he gripped hid blankets tightly in a fist before flinging them away from him. All he did was stare and stare at that empty space where his lower left leg should be, before finally reaching for it with a hand, letting out a sound that was foreign to his ears. He vaguely recognised the shuffling of chairs and the click of a door as a small gentle hand covered his own. When he turned back to Elain, her lips were curved in a soft and slightly pained smile, pain _for him_.

“What happened to my leg Ellie?” He said it as a whisper because that’s all he could manage, scared that if he tried to say it louder, say something more, then he’d break down but he was determined not to look weak in her eyes. Her free hand came up and into his hair, nails scratching at his scalp that felt oh so good and comforting.

“The car overturned from the impact and crushed the front of the car. Rhys and Cass managed to get out and they tried to get to you as well but they couldn’t. Your leg had been crushed for too long, the doctors told your mom that there was nothing they could do, other than remove it.” Her hand in his hair never stopped once and for that he was grateful, because no, matter how hard he tried to stop himself, he broke right then and there in that hospital room.

“How can you still stand there and look at me like that? I’m missing a fucking leg Elain, I’m not me anymore. I won’t be able to do certain things anymore and hell, what the fuck is our little girl going to do when she asks daddy to do something and I can’t do it! I didn’t want this life for us! Now you’re going to be stuck with a cripple and a baby, I won’t put you through that.”

Azriel watched as her face turned from gentle and soothing to angry and hateful in a second, taking her hands off and away from him and stepping back from his bedside.

“Screw you, you fucking asshole. How dare you make up my own mind for me? How dare you think that I wouldn’t love you anymore because of how you look? If you don’t want me anymore then fine, I’ll save you the hassle of trying to end it.” _No, no, no. Shit, fuck_.

“Ellie...” He tried to say something, anything, but the words got stuck in his throat and so he had to watch as she stormed to the door of his hospital room without even looking back. He’d heard the sound of the door clicking earlier but now, now it was an awful sound and he never wanted to hear it again. It was like a dagger to the heart and he fucking hated himself. The best thing to ever happen to him and he blew it, just like he knew he would. He promised he wouldn’t hurt her again, promised her that he’d try harder, that no matter what he’d stay by her side.

Now all there was to do was sit there and wallow in his own self pity, knowing he’d most likely not be able to win her back this time.

oOoOo

Sitting in that waiting room Cassian had given his story of the crash to the cops, every last detail that he could think of, everything that might be useful. And then it was Rhys’ turn. Nesta, Feyre and himself sat there and listened, Feyre moving straight to Nesta once he had started. He hadn’t a clue why she looked as worried as she did so until he’d heard Rhys’ story. Even now just as his brother was giving the last few key points, he was still in shock. Weylan Archeron, his girlfriend’s fucking father, was the one that had run them off of the road. Nesta had retreated inside herself when she’d heard it, that blank look taking over her face. It had taken him so long to find her under that prickly exterior and he’d be damned if he let her asshole father destroy how far she had managed to come.

The cops were just shaking hands and thanking them for their help when the door to Azriel’s room opened and Elain came storming out, tears streaming down her cheeks and her hand cradling that wonderful little baby bump. Cassian watched as Nesta’s face went from blank to furious and she made to go either after her sister or into his brother’s room to unleash hell, but he put his hand on her arm to stop her. “Easy sweetheart, I’ve got this one.”

He stood on shaky legs and limped down the hall that Elain had run down, asking a few nurses if they had seen where she went and ended up outside where the girl was sitting on a wall with her hands covering her face. Her body shook with barely restrained sobs and she jumped when he sat beside her, bringing his hand over to rub her back. “Hey, what are all these tears for Lainy? Az is alright, you saw him.” She scoffed at that and gave a humourless laugh. Looks like his brother might have been an utter fucking idiot.

“He may be alright but according to him, he’s not good enough now. According to him, I couldn’t possibly want him anymore now that he’s like that. He assumed Cass, that I’m that much of a bitch, that I only like him for his looks. He doesn’t want me because ‘I’m stuck with a cripple and a baby. He won’t put me through that.’ What gives him the right to decide my feeling for me?” She was crying again now, hands shaking and he didn’t know what to do or how to help and so he pulled her into a hug. Her head was smushed into his shoulder and he would no doubt be left with tears and snot, but he didn’t care. Elain could do what she liked as long as it made her happy.

“I’ve got you, Lainy. I’m sure he didn’t mean it; he’s probably just in shock is all. And if he did mean it, then I’ll kick his ass, no one hurts my Lainy or my niece. Uncle Cass has got her, both of you.”

After a while the shaking stopped and her tears turned into sniffles and she tilted her head back to look at him. “Thank you.” It was gentle but broken whisper and Cassian hoped to whatever gods that were listening to make his brother see sense.

“How about I phone Lucien for you? You haven’t really been able to see him for a few days and I’m sure he’d like to see you. I’ll ask him to come get you and take you back to the house and the two of you can hang out there. Besides they want Az to stay overnight just to be sure and keep an eye on his leg.” Elain nodded before burying her head back into his shoulder and before he phoned Vanserra, he sent a quick text off to Nesta.

_She’s all good, just a bit overwhelmed. I’m going to get Lucien to come get her and take her to the house. Love you._

_-Cass_

He and Azriel had been handed bad cards in life, ever since they were born but now, now was when everything was good for them. They both had amazing girlfriends who loved them unconditionally, there was a little one about to be added to the family and they were finally, finally happy. Of course one drunken asshole had to come along and possibly ruin everything his brother had ever hoped to have.

oOoOo

Elain was so tired, so goddamn tired that she felt as though she could sleep for a week. She felt utterly drained as she stepped through the door to Lys’ house. The woman had come out to give her one of the spare keys when she’d heard that Elain was leaving, telling her to eat, drink and do whatever she wanted and that if Lucien wanted to stay overnight to keep her company then he was more than welcome to. Lucien was behind her and she just knew his hands were braced in front of him as if he expected her to crash and drop from exhaustion. She had missed her best friend, truly, but with everything that was going on they just hadn’t had the time to hang out.

“Okay Lainy bear, Cassian said that his mother would like for me to cook you dinner. What do you feel like, and before you say ‘I’m not hungry’, you’re eating for two so this is me putting my foot down.” She rolled her eyes knowing that yes, she would have predictably said that in the past, but she wouldn’t do that to her little girl. That was the first thing he’d actually said other than the few greetings since he’d picked her up, and that didn’t sit too well with her.

“I’m not going to break you know, we can talk, you don’t have to be silent because you’re scared of saying the wrong thing.” He pushed a hand through those beautiful, long red locks- seriously, why does he get such nice hair and she gets a birds nest? –and gave a very loud sigh.

“I was just waiting for you to decide when you actually wanted to talk that’s all. And you’re also making that face where you are done with everyone’s shit, so how about we have some dinner and then you can sleep. I’ll stay up and get things ready for when the others come back. Yeah?”

Elain nodded and went into the kitchen with him to search for what to cook. They ended up choosing to do a chicken pasta bake with vegetables, something that would be easy to heat up later. It was effortless to move around each other after a few minutes, having done this a ridiculous amount of times before when they spent whole weekends together. Lucien sat there and watched her when they were done, making sure she finished her plate and then glared at her when she tried to clean up. Her best friend then even went as far as trailing her up the stairs, the overbearing mother hen. “I can walk up the stairs by myself.”

“I know you can.” She rolled her eyes but then froze in her place when they got to the top of the stairs. Lucien bumped into her back at the sudden halt in movement. “Ellie? Why have we stopped?”

“Um, I have to sleep in his room.”

“So? He’s your boyfriend and you’ve slept in the same bed before.”

Her eyes closed at the onslaught of words from their argument earlier hit her. “W-we had a bit of a fight at the hospital and now I don’t know what we are. I said I would save him the hassle of breaking up with me and stormed out, basically.” She tipped her head up to the ceiling, holding the tears at bay; she didn’t want to cry anymore, she was so tired of crying.

“Oh Elain, I’m sure it’ll be alright and he definitely wouldn’t want you to make yourself uncomfortable on the couch. You and the baby need sleep in a proper bed.” He was right of course he was. She nodded and moved towards his room, she hadn’t actually been here since that party, the night that had changed everything. Images flashed through her mind as she opened the door, them laughing at a movie, her head on his shoulder, soft and warm lips, a painful pinching sensation and then pure bliss. Lucien told her he’d be right downstairs if she needed something and kissed her cheek before leaving again. She stripped out of her clothes, smelling of that too clean hospital smell. She debated what to wear to bed before giving in and pulling on one of Azriel’s t-shirts. Her body sank into that wonderfully soft bed, pulling the covers up and over her shoulders before closing her eyes. Everything smelt of him, comforting and just _so fucking good_ , and her breaths turned ragged thinking about how worried she was that the worst had happened to him.

She loved him for the person he was, his caring and happy personality. Yes, he was beautiful and she’d be blind if she couldn’t see it but he was more than just his looks. If he could love her changing body, the stretch marks that were beginning to appear, the stomach that was no longer flat, then why did he think she wouldn’t love him all the same as he was now?

Eventually her exhaustion was too much, her eyes too heavy and she succumbed to sleep, a hand curved around her stomach. She hoped that Cassian’s was right, that Az was just in shock and that come morning, she wouldn’t have lost the person who meant the world to her and had given her something she hadn’t even known she’d wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the pain, the angst how I hate to give it to you😏 All feedback is welcome!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING!!!! Yeah, we got another smut chap so be warned that it gets steamy;) (at least that’s what I was going for)

They didn’t actually let him out of the hospital until a couple of days later. Cassian and Rhys came and went whenever they had the chance, keeping him updated on everything, well not everything, just Elain. She hadn’t come back to the hospital since he’d said those stupid things, since she’d walked away from him and out of that door. Cassian kept telling him she was alright, she was getting her rest and she was eating, and he was making sure of it. But then yesterday he’d told Azriel that Lucien had been staying at the house, staying with Elain when the rest of them had to go out. He knew that they were just friends, she had told him it would never be more than that, but part of him still felt as though he was driving her right into his arms. Jealousy was a cruel and wicked thing.

It didn’t help that when he was discharged and they finally got him home, Lucien was there, cleaning up around the house while Nesta and Feyre seemed to be making a lot of noise in the kitchen. Rhys was pushing him through the door in his stupid wheelchair, while Cass carried his bag. Lucien jumped when he heard the door close, jogging across the room to take the bags from his brother, who still had an arm in a sling. Azriel was very bored of the arguments between him and Nesta about that damn fucking sling. When they had everything settled, he and his wheelchair to the side of the room next to a small table, Lucien tried speaking, “So, Az, how are you-”

He cut him off, not caring for any of that bullshit that he’d probably heard about a hundred times over the past few days. “Where is she?” He didn’t care about anything else, about anyone else, he wanted Elain.

“Uh, she’s up in your room taking a nap.” She was in his bed. The bed that had started it all, the bed that gave him his little girl. Gods, he should be with her, he should be the one taking care of her and apologising for being a fucking jackass.

“Rhys, can you help me get up there?” His brother gave him a sceptical look.

“Are you sure you want to be put upstairs? It might be difficult moving you up and down.”

“I don’t care, help me get to her.”

He received a weary look in return but Rhys still stood, despite Cassian’s protests and began wheeling him back towards the stairs. Feyre came out of the kitchen just as her boyfriend was getting him up and out of the chair and she was not very pleased. “Rhysand! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“He wants to see Elain, so I’m taking him to Elain. I would want to see you too, now everyone shut the fuck up.” Feyre’s face was honestly wonderful in that moment and Azriel knew his brother was going to get his ass handed to him later. It was a struggle, to say the least, trying to get up those stairs. There was an offer to be carried, but he just glared, he could hop up the stairs just fine, they just had to go slow that was all. Once they had reached the top, he put most of his weight onto Rhys to get past the final few strides to his bedroom. They stopped outside the door so that he could catch his breath before murmuring that he was ready, but what he wasn’t ready for was the sight when he actually pushed the door open.

Elain was indeed asleep on his bed but was highly indecent. She was only in a tshirt, that Azriel recognised as one of his own, and bright blue panties. “Oh fucking hell,” Rhys whisper shouted, as not to wake up the sleeping girl, “I love Lain, but not that much. I seriously wish I could burn images from my mind.”

Azriel gave a light chuckle, his first in days, even though he too, wished that his brother was not seeing this either. They got him down onto the bed gently, right behind his girl, and Rhys made sure to check that he was settled before stepping back. “Right so, just shout if you need something okay?” He nodded at that and gave a whispered ‘thank you’ and turned onto his right side to curl up around Elain, listening as the door was closed carefully as he wrapped and arm around her to settle his hand over her bump. Burying his face into her hair, he couldn’t help but breathe her in. He’d missed her so gods damned much these last few days and he spent them hating himself for what he had said. Elain stirred a little in front of him, sleepily turning over until she faced him, eyes blinking open slowly before they widened when she realised he was in bed with her.

“Az? You’re home?” It was groggy; her voice still hoarse from sleep and it was honestly kind of a turn on.

“Yeah baby, I’m home.” She smiled and brought her hand up to drag her fingertips from his temple, down along his cheek and stopped at his jaw, cupping it gently. His hand slipped under his tshirt to grip her hip, squeezing it gently. “I missed you, sunshine, and I’m sorry for what I said at the hospital. I was just scared and overwhelmed and I didn’t mean any of it, Ellie. I swear.”

“I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have left, that was so fucking stupid.” She teared up as she said it and he was quick to lean in and kiss them away, he was so tired of making her cry when he was the one that should be making her the happiest she could be.

“I’ll have none of this Ellie,” he breathed against her lips, “you’re not stupid, and I was the one who messed up, so you have the right to leave if that’s what you need.”

Suddenly her leg was thrown over his hip gently, and he nodded when she stared at him hesitantly, gasping as she rolled him onto his back to straddle him. Apparently, gasping was not the right sound to make considering the reaction from the girl seated in his lap.

“Oh gods, I’m sorry, you said yes!”

He laughed, just because he couldn’t help it. She was cute when she got worried, nose scrunched up and hands flailing. “I meant it, I still mean it, I just didn’t think this is where you were going with it.”

Her hands rested on his chest for a moment before realising where they were, and her eyes followed them as she dragged them down, torturously slowly. Azriel’s breath hitched when her fingers dipped into the waistband of his shorts and she leaned down until their lips met. God kissing her felt like coming home and he never wanted to leave. He slipped both hands under his tshirt again, trailing them up along her soft skin and curved around to her chest where he stopped short, pulling away with ragged breaths. “Elain, you aren’t wearing a bra.”

The little minx smirked and took one of his hands into her own and moved them to her breast, making him squeeze gently as he rubbed his thumb across her nipple. Elain moaned, soft and sweet, and fuck did he harden instantly at the sound. “Fuck Ellie, you’re killing me.” Her only response was leaning in and biting his bottom lip and pulling, rocking her hips slowly to grind against him. He growled out something, what, he didn’t know before latching onto her neck. The pleasure-pain caused her to push her hips down harder and moan louder. After a few minutes of grinding and bruising kissing she sat back and asked breathlessly, “Are you even allowed to do this?”

“Doctors said nothing vigorous.”

“Well then it’s a good job I plan to do all of the work, isn’t it?” He was shocked, but only for a minute, as she lifted onto her knees and disposing of her tshirt and panties, leaving her bare and so fucking beautiful above him. When he went to reach for her, Elain batted his hands away, crawling down his body slightly and slipped her fingers under the waistband of both his shorts and boxers, whispering for him to lift as much as he could. He had to gather himself to do so, scared of fucking up, but then those chocolate eyes met his hazel ones and he realised he didn’t need to be scared. Never in front of her.

Once she had the offensive clothing off and away from him, she climbed back up to hover over his hips, right above where he needed her most. When Elain’s hand wrapped around the length of him, he cursed and his back arched, a guttural noise tearing through his throat. The noises only increased as she stroked him, first slow and careful but he urged her on with a mantra of _faster, tighter_ and _shit Ellie, just like that._ Her thumb brushed over the tip of him and he had to force himself to not let go of his control. He would not feel that ecstasy of release, not without taking her with him. Azriel gripped her wrist to stop the motions of her hand, watching her brow furrow and fuck he needed her, he needed her now.

“Please baby, please now.”

Thankfully she took pity on him, lining them up before sinking down in one go. She was perfect, utterly perfect and he swore she was made for him as he believed he was made for her. He choked off a moan when he felt her hand through the bandage on his left leg, not realising she had even moved it, too lost in the warmth of her and how good she felt around him. And when she spoke, it took all of his willpower not to cry.

“This does not bother me Azriel because you are still you. You are still the father of my child and the man I fell in love with. I’m not leaving you, not today, not tomorrow, and not ever.”

He nodded because that was all he could do, seeing as in that moment she started moving. Firstly a sensual rock of her hips, back and forth until she found the confidence to raise her hips, almost until he slipped out before dropping back down. She dropped forward after a while, her hands either side of his head and Azriel knew she was close when her hips picked up the pace. He wasn’t that far off himself and so his hands moved once again, one back to her breast, rolling her nipple between thumb and forefinger while his other hand moved the apex of her legs, rubbing that special little place in tight circles. She keened at the overloaded pleasure, burying her head into his neck as her hips slowed and then she sunk her teeth into skin. The pain was what sent him over the edge, burying his moan into her shoulder.

They stayed like that for a good fifteen minutes after, until Elain moved to press their foreheads together, and what she said made him howl with laughter.

“You think they heard that by any chance?”

She giggled and he knew, he knew that the loss of his leg really didn’t make him a hindrance to her; in fact, she seemed to love him even more. He was so, so lucky to have her and he’d never been so grateful for that drunken moment that he did right there in that bed, Elain still wrapped around him all sweaty and glowing.

Who would have thought that a drunken one night stand and unplanned pregnancy could have made him so ridiculously happy? And he was, he was happier than he could even remember and he hoped with every fibre of his being that he’d get to have this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Feedback are so, so appreciated, I honestly love to see your reactions to this story!! <33


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this was meant to up yesterday but then I got a little sidetracked when I came home from work. I am very sorry:((
> 
> We’ve got just a little bit of violence in this one because, it was needed, you’ll see. This happens to be a favourite of mine so I hope you enjoy<3
> 
> All of the mistakes are mine!

Elain did not want to be at school, she wanted to be at home with Azriel, in bed. Preferably naked. But she was stuck here in her stupid fucking English Lit class where she was absorbing literally no information. He was perfectly fine at home she knew, his mother was there with him, but that didn’t stop her leg from bouncing nervously.

When they were finally let out, she ignored all of the curious glances she received walking out of the room. Her bump was bigger but she was wearing Az’s hoodie so no one could actually see that it had and she tried not to let her hand hold it, something she had taken to doing quite a lot recently. As she walked through the cafeteria and to their usual table, where Cass, Rhys and Lucien were already sat, more people kept looking at her oddly. Some were just curious like the ones from her class, some gave her a quick and disgusted once over and others, they just looked before turning back to their friends and giggling. Elain had to clench her hands into fists so as not to wrap her arms around herself. She would not show them how they affected her; she would not look weak in their eyes. Sitting next to Cass when she finally got to the boys, more people started openly staring at their table, and she watched as Rhys’ brows furrowed and asked with blatant confusion, “And why the fuck is every moron in this school staring at us?”

Lucien laughed from opposite her, “We aren’t that special. It’s probably you and your new scar. You are now even uglier than before.” He winked at Rhys, causing the other boy to let out a gasp and put his hand to his chest.

“Vanserra, how could you? I thought you loved me?!” He put his face in his hands and started to very obnoxiously fake cry. It was at that moment that Feyre and Nesta arrived, the former raising a brow at her boyfriend’s antics as she sat down.

“Why are you being such a drama queen, Rhysand?” Rhys threw himself at Feyre in an instant, burying his face into her neck as he gasped out between more fake sobs;

“B-babe, Lucy d-doesn’t love me any-anymore.”

Elain’s sister only rolled her eyes whilst patting his back, causing Elain to giggle, which stopped as soon as it started when a voice rang out through the cafeteria. A voice she really didn’t want to fucking deal with right now.

“Well would you look at this. Velaris High’s new ‘mommy to be’ finally decided to show her face.” They all turned to see Ianthe standing there with a hand on her hips; a smirking Tamlin at her back. Fucking bastard. Elain was frozen and she felt as though she couldn’t breathe. How the fuck could that stuck up bitch know that she was pregnant? Cassian had his good arm tightly wrapped around Nesta’s waist, stopping her from getting up but he was also wincing at the way she dug her nails in. Lucien and Rhys were glaring at Tamlin and Feyre was silently seething.

Cassian tipped his head to stare at the ceiling as he groaned, “Please, please just fuck off, Ianthe. No one is in the mood for your stupid bullshit today.”

“But I’m just so curious. I was at the hospital just visiting one day, when I overheard a conversation. And then Nesta came storming out of the room. I waited for a little bit after and Tamlin’s dearest Feyre came out too. So, how did our little freak manage to get someone to even look at her, let alone put a baby in her?”

Feyre snarled from where she sat, vibrating with anger, “I am not his _anything_. Call my sister a freak again Ianthe, and you won’t like the consequences.”

Elain wanted to be anywhere else than here. She wanted to be at home, with Az and forget this day ever happened. Ianthe laughed, something like a hyena, and gods it was the worst sound.

“But she is a freak. A freak with a bastard baby and even better, a cripple for a baby daddy. Yeah, we heard about dear Azzie. Such a shame, he really was a looker before.” She was smirking by the end and Elain felt anger rising from the pit of her stomach. Before she knew it, she was on her feet and there was pain coursing through her hand and wrist. She shook out her fist, cursing, and looked up to see Ianthe with a hand over her nose, blood leaking through her fingers. She was also screaming.

“You fucking bitch! You broke my gods damned nose!”

Cassian had let go of Nesta who was also now on her feet, and proceeded to bang Ianthe’s head against a chair. The screeching stopped but people throughout the cafeteria were now cheering and chanting. Cassian whistled lowly, eyes dark as he watched his girlfriend. “Sweetheart, what have I told you about turning me on in public places?” Nesta simply flipped him off, making him chuckle.

Tamlin was looking between them and an unconscious Ianthe lying on the floor, opening his mouth to say something before the principal walked in. “What on earth is going on in here?” He looked at the group of them, sending someone to get the nurse when he saw Ianthe, and narrowed his eyes at Elain. She was still shaking out her slightly throbbing fist. “My office, right now.” Turning on the spot, he gestured with a hand for her to move forward, following behind her as she did as she was told. There were faint murmurings of Rhys saying, “Who knew Lain had such fire?” as she walked away. It was only then that she allowed her hand to drop, curving her hand around her steadily growing stomach, hand rubbing against the side. Her brows furrowed when it felt like something was tickling her and pressed her hand down a little harder. She gasped when it happened again, eyes widening as a shocked smile spread across her face.

Her little girl was moving.

Elain dragged her hand downwards and her girl followed. It took everything she had to not let herself cry with joy. Her girl made her presence known right when Elain needed her most.

_ Mama is here baby girl. I’ve got you, my littlest one. _

She held her head high and back straight as she walked into the principal’s office, proud of herself. She had defended herself, the man that she loved and that wonderful little miracle they’d created together. She had defended her _family_.

Just as she always would.

oOoOo

Azriel peered up over his book from where he was sitting on the sofa, watching as his family walked through the front door of the house, all of them laughing loudly. Cass and Rhys both had an arm each looped through one of Elain’s as she giggled at them. Feyre and Nesta came through just behind them, both smiling wide as they watched the trio in front of them. Cassian let go of her to flop down next to him and Rhys twirled Elain before bringing her close, singing a random song off tune as he danced with her. Azriel felt a small twinge of jealousy at the sight, but it was overpowered by the happiness he felt as he watched her. This was the brightest she’d been in almost a week and his heart soared.

His brother nudged him with an elbow, his whole body twitching with how giddy he was. “Oh dearest brother, you would never guess what kind of day we’ve had.”

“No I can’t, but I’m assuming it was a good one?” He didn’t take his eyes off of his girlfriend, who seemed to be glowing with all of the excitement. He wanted nothing more than to get up and take her into his own arms, he ached to do so. He pushed it down and finally tore his eyes away, meeting hazel eyes similar to his own.

“Ianthe knows about the baby.” Azriel’s eyes went wide at that before abruptly spun back to Elain, but she didn’t seem bothered by it, didn’t look like she cared one bit.

“How the hell could she possibly fucking know? You can’t even see Elain’s bump when she’s wearing baggy clothes.”

Nesta spoke up; returning from where she’d disappeared into the kitchen, bottle of water in one hand and Elain’s vitamins in the other, handing them both off to his girlfriend. “She was at the hospital the day Elain collapsed, lurking around like a creepy loser after I stormed out to come and beat your ass.” There was no heat behind the words and she even winked at him. “She called Elain a freak, the baby a bastard and then you a cripple.” His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach at that. He couldn’t give two fucks about what people thought of him, but that was his girl and his baby. The anger inside of him had clearly transformed the look on his face because Rhys nodded at the sight.

“That was your girl’s thoughts exactly because the next thing we knew, Elain was out of her seat and punching Ianthe square in the nose.” Pride over took him then at the image it provided him. His beautiful Ellie all fired up. As he looked at her he could see the pride she too felt about herself, but her lips were also formed into a shy smile. His girlfriend was not violent, never had been. She was kind, loving and so amazingly sweet; it was part of the reason he’d fallen in love with her. The opposite of him but she also matched him perfectly.

“That’s my girl.” He breathed the words with such awe, watching the way Elain flushed at the praise, from her cheeks, down her neck and then it disappeared, hidden by the clothes she was wearing. Azriel didn’t need to see though, he knew exactly what it would look like from their times together. Part of his anatomy stirred at the thought of getting her naked again, making that flush spread all over. Thought of the way she’d gasp and bite her lip when he traced it gently with his fingertips. He shook his head of the thoughts when Elain spoke softly, the first time since they’d all gotten home.

“Could the rest of you give us a minute please?” Both Rhys and Cassian turned to look at him, both of them with matching, shit eating grins on their faces as they wiggled their brows. Feyre and Nesta rolled their eyes at the pair, forcefully dragging their boyfriends’ from the room despite their protests. When they were alone, Elain slowly walked over to stand in front of him where he was sitting, holding her hands out to him. He raised his own and placed them in hers, feeling the way she squeezed gently before her beautiful voice filled the room again. “I know it’s awful of me but before today, sometimes I regretted that night we shared.” His face fell at the confession and he went to pull his hands away, but Elain only gripped his hands tighter.

“Ellie...”

“No, listen. It’s just that, on the bad days since then, I just didn’t feel like me anymore, you know? I felt like I had lost myself, lost the person that I was.” All Azriel could do was nod, not understanding where she was going with this, but he listened anyway. “But then today, today Ianthe happened. She said those things, called us those names and I just sort of lost it. She called our little girl a _bastard_ and so I punched her and fuck, it felt so fucking amazing to do that. I actually felt good.” She deserved to feel good because of that. Ianthe had always been a raging bitch, an attention seeking one at that. It was about time that somebody put her in her place.

A wonderful and breathtaking smile broke out over her face, twisting her hands to bring his own to her stomach, curving them around one spot to the side. “And when I was walking to the principal’s office, I took comfort in holding our baby, just in time to feel that.” At which point, she pushed his hands down a little harder, and he felt something flutter beneath his palm. He was confused for a moment but then it happened again, making shock and astonishment overtake him. Elain took her own hands away, just letting him feel all on his own and cupped his cheek, tilting his head back to look at her.

“Is that what I think it is?” She nodded, laughing quietly and he let every emotion wash over him, tears spilling down his cheeks. They were brushed away by gentle thumbs before letting his head drop so he could press his face to the movements, feeling the little _thud, thud, thud_ , against his cheekbone. Gods it was so fucking surreal, being able to feel the way his little girl moved, making her presence known in the best way she possibly could.

“It was like she was telling me that everything was alright, that she was the one that was there for me, not the other way around. And I knew, I knew then in that moment I could never regret it, could never regret you. I could never regret her. It simply wasn’t possible to do so because I love you both, so terribly much.”

“I love you too, Ellie. You have no idea how fucking much.” He pushed up her clothes, baring her bump to him and he pressed his lips to her warm skin, kissing the little flutters he could feel there. His daughter’s movements sped up as he spoke against skin, pouring his heart out to the girls who meant the world to him.

_ “And you, my angel, daddy loves you more than words can describe. You are my greatest gift and I promise you, to protect and love you, until the day my heart stops beating. Maybe not even then, sweetheart.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff this week, who even am I?;))  
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated, I love reading all of your lovely a feedback. Just know that if I don't reply, it's not because I dont care, sometimes I just check before I leave for work and then forget to reply to the rest:))))<3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the next one! This might feel like a bit of a filler chapter but this is just what my brain wanted me to have for this one so I’m sorry if it’s not the best:)
> 
> Warning: just a little hint at characters self hate/struggles but only a tad. Also some implied sexy times at the end of the chap.

Elain watched as Azriel got more and more frustrated trying to walk on his prosthetic. He’d been fitted for it a few weeks ago now and was told by prosthetist to make sure he used it around the house, and when he was confident and comfortable enough, he could start going out with it. The process was difficult to say the least, especially when he’d first tried walking to kitchen by himself. She told him that time that she wouldn’t look because she didn’t want him to feel pressured or like he had to do it to impress her. Azriel had fallen half way there, putting all of his weight on the leg by accident, and had broken down on the floor of the hallway. Elain’s heart had broken at the sight, holding back tears when he sneered at her, saying he didn’t want nor need her help. She’d called for Cassian and when he’d come to help she disappeared to lie down for a little while, now starting to feel tired all of the time. When she’d woken, Azriel was laying in front of her, fingers stroking down the side of her face and curling around her ear, apologising for being an asshole.

Now, he was testing himself in the garden, pushing himself to try and walk down the few steps from the decking and onto the grass. Elain walked forward when he cursed again, backing out once again from stepping down, holding her hand out to him. He eyed her hesitantly for a moment before sighing, taking her hand to interlace their finger, and only then did he take that first step, Elain right by his side. When they were finally on the grass, they walked together slowly over to the picnic table, sitting in a peaceful silence together. She was happy, just to sit there with him, pressed into his side with his scarred hands holding her own in his lap. After a while, he shifted to his left slightly, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to her lips and pressing their foreheads together and mumbling into the space between them. “I really thought I could do it by myself that time.”

Elain stared at him, smiling gently. “You’ll get there, it takes time remember? It’s okay to accept help sometimes you know, it doesn’t make you weak, Az.”

“I know, I just...” He trailed off, eyes fluttering closed and she rubbed her nose against his softly, watching the way his mouth quirked up at the corners.

“You just what?”

“You’re over five months pregnant now, Ellie. I want to be able to move around on my own, to actually do things independently again. I want to be able to actually help you when she’s finally here, to get up in the night when she’s crying so that you can rest. I’m her father, I’m supposed to fucking take care of her too.” There were tears falling down his cheeks and she brushed them away gently before holding his face in her hands.

“You will, you will be able to do those things. And even when you can’t, even when I can’t, we have a big family in that house who want to help. Please, stop this self hating you have going on, thinking that I’m upset. I don’t fucking care about any of it, I’m just glad you’re actually here, that I didn’t lose you because of my asshole father.” Once upon a time she loved her father with everything she had. She loved the man who used to read her stories before bed, the man who made silly faces whenever she fell and scraped her knees. Most of all she missed the man who loved her back. But then her mother died and all of that disappeared, and Nesta was basically left to raise her and Feyre on her own. Giving Nesta everything she wanted most in the world could not repay her for she did, for the childhood she gave up for them.

“Is there any news on your father yet?” Azriel asked her gently, hand and eyes resting on her stomach, feeling as his hellish daughter kicked Elain again. She always got very excited when he put his hand to her bump, like she knew the difference between who was holding her. It would explain why when Cassian always asked to feel, the troublemaker would stop kicking and make Cass pout sadly; messing with her Uncle already.

“Nope, absolutely nothing. The police still can’t figure out where he’s gone and they keep asking us if we know where he might be. I haven’t got a clue and it’s starting to piss me off. He almost killed the three of you, you lost your leg, he should be punished for it the coward.” His hand moved up so that his thumb could smooth along her cheekbone, it was only then that she realised she was crying. Again. Honestly she’d had enough of these ridiculous hormones, making her show every damn emotion against her will. Az opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to soothe her, but suddenly there was a bang from inside and muffled yelling. The two moved as fast as his leg would allow, but he seemed to move with ease now that he wasn’t so focused on it. Making their way through the kitchen once they were inside, the two stopped in the doorway to the living room, Az blocking the space which forced Elain to stand on her tiptoes to peer over his shoulder. She honestly didn’t know what to make of the sight before her.

There was a beautiful gold haired girl in the middle of the room, face full of anger but also a little bit of sadness, throwing random objects at both Cass and Rhys. The former tried to hide behind Nesta, who kept shoving him away in annoyance. The former seemed to have accepted his fate, standing still and catching each item the girl threw at him.

“You absolute fuckheads! I haven’t heard from any of you in weeks, you left me stuck in that stupid boarding school with nothing! I got back from France last week, planning to surprise you all, so I went to your mother at the hospital to ask her where you all were.” Mystery girl threw a book at Rhys, which Elain realised was her new gardening book from Az, when he dared to open his mouth and interrupt her. “I am not finished Rhysand! The three of you were in a car accident and you didn’t think to tell me, to let me know you were okay? That’s all your mother got out before I left, coming straight here.” Her girls chest was heaving from her furious ramblings, head twisting at speed to where Elain and Azriel stood when he said gently;

“Mor, calm down would you?” She watched as ‘Mor’ dropped the newest item in her hand, lifting it to cover her mouth, gasping in shock when she trailed her eyes over him. She made to move towards him, arms open as if she were going to hug him, but for some reason Elain didn’t like the thought of that considering she didn’t know the other girl. Stepping forward, Elain took his hand in one of her own again and interlaced their fingers. Mor stopped at the gesture, eyes dropping to Elain’s protruding stomach, widening when she looked back to Azriel.

“Tell me that you did not go and get a girl pregnant, please tell me that is not what I am seeing right now.” Elain glared at her, pressing herself closer to him, relishing in his warmth. He looked down at her, eye warm and smile soft, not looking away from her as he declared.

“Mor, I’d like you to meet Elain. My sunshine, my love and yes, the mother of my child.”

“Why do I always miss everything?” She pouted, before glaring and smacking Azriel in the shoulder. “And that’s for not telling me I’m going to be an auntie for god's sake.” He rolled his eyes, rubbing the spot where she’d hit him.

“Yes, yes, we’re very sorry.”

Rhys muttered across the room, “My cousin ladies and gentlemen. Now you know where my dramatics come from.” Mor scoffed, turning to give him the finger.

“Oh no that’s all you, you are so much worse.”

Feyre laughed, reaching up to gently pat her boyfriend on the head. “Hate to break it to you baby, but you really are worse.” He leaned in to kiss her gently on the nose.

“Cruel, wicked thing.”

Mor gagged and suddenly took Elain’s hand, dragging her away from Azriel and towards the sofa. “Enough of your gross shit Rhys. Now, Elain, tell me all about how that fool managed to sweep you off your feet and I want all the nitty and gritty details.”

Elain did, she told her everything once everyone had fully calmed down, the boys clearly happy and excited to have her home. She told Mor about that first drunken night, and the morning after, how she was so fucking scared. Told her about what Azriel had done on that field when Elain had told him, how he had walked away, leaving her hurt and crying and alone. He went pale at the reminder, reaching for her hand at her other side and apologising once again when Mor called him every name she could think of. Then came talks of her first ultrasound, her little scare and how they’d had to tell everyone, the gender and her father’s outburst. Finally they got to the car crash, forcing Elain to close her eyes at the onslaught of memories, the sight of Cassian broken and sobbing on the hospital floor. When she was done, she looked up to see that Mor had a few tears in her eyes.

“I should have fought harder when my parents told me they were sending me away, I should have done something. I should have been at home where you all needed me, and to save you girls from these blithering idiots, because it’s a miracle none of you have killed them yet.” Nesta chuckled from her seat in the arm chair, Cassian sitting at her feet while she braided his hair.

“Believe me I’ve come close, but there’s still time.” Cass only hummed, eyes closed and Elain had to hold back a giggle at his next words.

“I’ve told you about the dirty talk sweetheart. Those death threats of yours do something to me and you have got to stop doing it in front of people.” Elain’s sister merely pulled on his hair in response, making her boyfriend hiss in pain. She frowned when she finally connected with that first part of what Mor had said, looking at the golden haired girl curiously.

“Why _did_ your parents send you away? You don’t have to say anything if you don’t wish to talk about it.”

The other girl sighed but shook her head, lifting her hand to tuck a few curls behind her ear. “No, no, it’s alright. They had found out that I am very, very much into girls. They thought that maybe by sending me to that stupid school, it would keep me away from ‘temptations’ and it would ‘fix’ that part of me.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Why did parents have to be so awful sometimes?

Mor laughed, eyes full of mischief as she smirked. “It’s quite alright. What they didn’t realise was that I was going to meet some very pretty French girls.”

They all stayed together for hours after that, just talking. Elain and her sisters getting to know Mor, while the boys got her caught up with everything while she’d been away. Long after dinner, and when it was finally dark, Elain felt herself begin to fall asleep, head dropping against Az’s shoulder every now and then. She jolted when he stood and put his hand out to her, much like she had earlier in the day. “I think it’s bedtime for you, sunshine.” All she could was nod and take his hand, slowly making herself stand which was something that was becoming a bit of a difficult task. Just as they reached the stairs, she turned her head back to look over her shoulder.

“It was lovely to finally meet you Mor.” The other girl grinned widely.

“And you. Now go get that beauty rest and make that idiot give you all of the massages.” Elain laughed before turning to make her way up the stairs. It took Az a little while longer, but he did it.

When they were finally settled in bed, he rolled carefully onto his side to face her, eyes sparking in the low light. His hand reached for her, bringing her close to him, before he teased her with slow, trailing fingers across her chest. “I’d quite gladly give you a massage, baby.” That devil of a hand dropped to the hem of his shirt that she was wearing, slipping his hand underneath, making goosebumps rise on her skin as it drifted up her stomach, settling on her breast and cupping her firmly. Elain’s breath hitched in her throat, swallowing dryly.

“Is that so?”

“Mhm.” He leaned in to place hot, opened mouthed kisses along her neck as she wrapped a leg around his hips. She pulled him in close, her own hands grabbing at his shoulders, dragging her nails down his back and revelling in the moan she received in return. His eyes darkened when she brought her face closer, her lips brushing his before she trailed them along his jaw, moving up to his ear and taking the lobe into her mouth and biting gently. Azriel moaned again, pushing his hips into her hers when she whispered against the shell of his ear.

_“Do your worst, my love.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah Mor is here! Did you think she wouldn’t be here? She was there in my mind the whole time with this thing in my head about her outing but it just never appeared in the fic. I’m actually sorry it took me this long but, it’s just the way the story went.
> 
> Let me know what you all thought, I love reading about your reactions! If I ever don't reply, I don't mean to, it's just that most of the time I go through them before I leave for work and haven't had time to do them all, then I forget. I will always try my best to reply to everything<3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! It’s just been one bad thing after another and I’m sorry that I’ve been gone. This one is a very small update because I messed it up right before it should have been posted. And then I had personal issues at home and then just a whole bunch of shit. I should be back to regular updates on everything now, fingers crossed, and I’m sorry this isn’t longer.

Azriel was honestly, slightly scared for his life. Yes Elain loved him, he was the father of her child and gods did he love them both. But the way she had glared at him merely two minutes ago had him on edge. Apparently, absolutely none of her clothes fit her anymore. He’d tried telling her she could just use his shirts, it wasn’t like she had to go to school. She was suspended since she had punched Ianthe, but he was proud of his girl, the bitch deserved it for calling his little one a bastard. Elain had sort of sobbed and yelled at him, saying she just wanted to feel beautiful in her own clothes. He thought she always looked beautiful and he told her just that. Elain threw a shoe at him in response. This is why he was now sitting safely downstairs and drinking coffee in the kitchen, almost spilling it everywhere when Mor burst through the doorway. “Good morning shitstain! I am here to make your day so much brighter.”

Gods, she had no idea of how incredibly right she was.

Azriel let out a sigh of relief and started motioning for her to leave. “Elain is upstairs having a clothes crisis. Please will you go and help her?” Mor’s face took on a giddy expression as she squealed so loud it made him wince, and she was clapping her hands together excitedly.

“Oh, you know how much I love clothes! I’ll go get her into something comfortable. Are the two of you busy today? Can I take her shopping for proper maternity clothes? She might feel better about it then.”

“No we’re not busy, she might enjoy the day out.” And with that, the blonde was out of the door and rushing up the stairs. Azriel thought that now, he could go back to drinking his coffee peacefully, but then Cassian came in all moody and grumbling under his breath, banging the cupboard doors as he made his own drink. He knew why his brother was in a bad mood and had to force himself to keep his laughter at bay.

“Cass, we’re only going for my physiotherapy and so you can have the last of your stitches removed. Why are you being an idiot about it?” The other boy stood at the counter, his back to Azriel and he was staring out of the window, shoulders tense.

“I don’t want to go back there. I don’t like it there. I can barely stomach surprising Mom with lunch or dinner anymore.” Well, this was a little dramatic surely? It was always Cassian’s favourite thing when the three of them would go surprise her at work with a bag of goodies, knowing their stubborn mother wouldn’t have taken a break, too focused on her patients. It wasn’t a bad thing, of course it wasn’t, she just wanted to help but that wouldn’t be possible if she ran herself into the ground.

“It’s just the hospital Cass, we’ve been there a ridiculous amount of times.” He watched his brother freeze, mug half way to his mouth before he slammed it back onto the counter, the impact so hard he thought the mug might shatter. When Cassian turned, tears were threatening to spill over his cheeks and there was a fire in his eyes that he always got when he was upset or angry.

“Do you have any idea what it was like? You took all of the impact from the truck! You were the one lying on a fucking table losing blood! We could barely keep you conscious, Rhys and I. I had no idea what was going on while you were in surgery, Az, you could have fucking died!” His tears were falling now, a choked off sob tearing through his throat. Cass’ whole body was tense, little tremors shaking his shoulders as he struggled to keep the flood of emotions in check. “Ellie is pregnant, you’re going to have a little girl and you thought it was best to pull some shit like that, really?” Azriel couldn’t take it anymore, watching his brother spiral like that right in front of him and he forced himself to stand, walking over to stand in front of him. This close, he could hear the way Cass took in shaky breaths and sniffled, trying to stop himself from crying. Azriel thought he was finished but just as he opened his mouth to say something; his brother whispered words he thought would break him. “You are my brother and I love you. You’re meant to love me back. You can’t leave me Az, you can’t.” An indescribable sound left Azriel as he threw his arms around Cass, holding him tight, feeling the other boy bury his face in his shoulder. The body in his arm was trembling, breaking down without restraint. He pressed his cheek against Cassian’s, mouth next his ear to breathe his reply, loud enough to be heard amongst the hiccups.

“I love you too, of course I love you. I’m right here, I’ve got you Cass.”

“D-don’t you do that self sacrificing shit again, I will not raise your child for you.”

He hadn’t thought about it until now, really, pushing the crash into a small little box and then shoving that box to the back of his mind. The only priority he’d had in that split second before they were hit was keeping his brothers safe, protecting them with everything he had. Azriel had forgotten about Elain, the baby and everything else in that moment, which made him feel guilty now. Elain still had not spoken to him about that day, not really. He tried talking about it sometimes but she would shut him down, either saying she was fine or changing the subject completely, but now he realised. Realised why she was so terrified and upset when he’d woken in that hospital bed, realised why she had been angry with him afterwards. Fucking gods above, he was a damned fool. Time and time again since Azriel had found out about the baby he had promised he would always be by her side, he had promised he wouldn’t leave her, that she wouldn’t have to do any of it alone because he was right there.

If he had died, she would have been alone. His family and her sisters would have helped, would have stuck by her, he knew that but it wouldn’t have been him. Elain would have had to tell their daughter eventually why her daddy wasn’t there, why he wasn’t there to hold her when she cried, to do with her what all the other daddies did with their own children. Azriel did not regret what he had done because he would do it all over again to keep Rhys and Cass safe, to make sure they were okay. But Elain’s distance when the crash was mentioned, the way she held onto him tighter when they slept at night and the way she said ‘I love you’ more often and with so much more passion, it all made sense to him now. She, along with the others for just one moment, were forced to picture their futures without him being there.

Pulling back from his brother after the sobs had subsided, he watched Cassian quickly rub away the tears from his face, eyes red and a little puffy. Being forced to think about those events and the trauma that ensued, Azriel recalled a hazy memory- no not a memory but a dream. The images flicked past like the pages of a book, one after the other and he felt as though he was back there again; stuck in the horrible trick his mind had played on him.

He knew what he had to do, he knew what he had to tell Elain so that maybe they could finally start putting this behind them, leaving it in the past where it belonged.

He just hoped that this time she would listen to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm sorry this was only small but the next one is the usual length. Thank you for being patient with me<3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All, I am back!! A quick update on me before I let you get on with the chapter. I had to take an even longer break than what I originally had planned. It was both my mental and physical health. I was around yes, but I was just so exhausted that writing/uploading was hard for me.  
> However everything is much better now and I can actually given you update dates at the end of chaps. This story also only has a few chaps left and I will let you know when they'll go up too. Fear not though! If you're still with me by the end of this, I have a new big fic in the works that I'm hoping to start posting at the end of March<3
> 
> Back to the fic, I don't have any warnings for this one, just a whole bunch of tooth rotting fluff! Enjoy my loves!

Elain knew she hadn’t known Mor for very long, but the day the two of them had spent shopping was honestly very enjoyable. She hadn’t been put out when Elain wasn’t too sure on a simple blue skirt she had picked, or when she had been turned down on a few choices of shirts. Mor had simply nodded and smiled saying “That’s alright” and had proceeded to help Elain look for something else, telling her that they’d find something she was comfortable with even if it took all day. It hadn’t taken all day, only another hour before Elain had found a few shirts and a pair of loose, comfortable joggers that she could wear out and around the house. The other girl had agreed and picked up multiple pairs in different colours for her, taking everything from her arms and taking it to the counter. Elain had tried protesting but Mor wouldn’t have any of it. After that, they had realised it was nearing the middle of the day and had decided to grab something for lunch, Mor had simply sat her down in one of the cafes in the mall and disappeared to grab sandwiches and iced lemonade for the both of them. They chatted about allsorts while they ate, the blonde telling Elain about all of the idiot things the boys used to get up to when they were younger, before she asked more about the baby and if she and Azriel had talked about names for her yet.

Wiping her hands on her napkin, Elain said, “No, we haven’t talked about a name for her yet. Honestly, I hadn’t even put any thought into it. Is that bad?” Mor shook her head, taking a quick sip of her drink.

“Of course it isn’t. You’ve had so much going on since you found out, it’s okay to have let it slip your mind. Besides you’ve still got a few months left to go, so I don’t suppose you have to have anything picked out until she’s actually here.” She considered the words and smiled, grateful that Mor hadn’t thought she was an awful mother for not thinking of a name for her own child. After they had finished with their food, they decided to call it a day, saying that it wouldn’t be long before the others got back and that Elain could show her sisters what they’d picked out. As they were leaving, Mor looking for the keys to her car in her bag, Elain stopped suddenly outside of a baby store, hands pressed to her bump, peering in the windows at a selection of tiny onesies and vests. When the other girl noticed she had stopped, she came to stand at her side, pointing at tiny pair socks with flowers on them. “Oh, look how cute those are!”

All she could do was nod, trying to picture a little girl, whose face she didn’t know yet, wearing them. The thought made her smile, especially with the added glimpse of imagining Az smiling at their little girl as he got her dressed. Shyly, she turned to her friend and said, “Can we, can we go inside for a minute?” Elain could almost see the sparkles in Mor’s eyes as she nodded excitedly.

“Yes! We can maybe grab a few things that you might like and then maybe, you can come back with Lys? I’m sure she’d be more of an expert on other things you might need.” Fuck. Yet another thing she hadn’t thought about. They’d need a crib, diapers, changing bags, bath essentials and all sorts of other things. If she couldn’t even remember some of the basic things, how the hell was she going to be a good mother? Trying not to let the disappointment she had for herself show, she followed the other girl around the store as she pointed out all sorts of things she thought would be good, or clothing that was cute. Elain’s eyes snagged on a cute outfit set that was a pastel yellow with frilly white socks, and had little flowers on the shirt and read ‘I Love My Daddy’ in the middle of them, and a matching yellow hat. Elain was drawn to it instantly, feeling the soft fabric under her fingertips. When Mor came back with an armful of other items, and not just clothes, she took the set from Elain to add to other shirts that had things about the best aunts and uncles on them. After she was satisfied with their haul, which Elain was absolutely in love with, she linked their hands and started dragging them to the counter. “Mor wait, I can’t let you pay for all of this, you already bought me a bunch of things!”

The blonde just laughed. “I’m not paying for it. I have Azriel’s card that has money on it that his biological mother had left him. She may have chosen the wrong man, and made some very bad decisions, but she did love Az. A bunch of money and that house was left to him if something ever happened, and he gave me the card today before he left, saying he wanted you to have whatever you wished. I assumed that applied to his daughter too.”

She was shocked to say the least, as Azriel was always shy about speaking of his mother and even when he did, he was always cagey about what he told her. Elain supposed it was difficult trying to explain that despite her wrong doings, she was still his mother. “I did wonder how he still had access to the house.”

“Lys got it sorted for him, made it so it was in her name and that she’d be able to give it back to him when he was old enough. She gave him the keys as soon as the boys started high school though, because she knew that although he loves Rhys and Cass, they can be a lot, and it gave him somewhere to be alone for a while.” Azriel always mentioned it was his own little safe haven, a place he hadn’t shared with anyone, not until her.

“And you are absolutely sure he said it was alright to use the card?” She hadn’t realised that they had half of the items bagged already and how much Mor had actually added alongside Elain’s own choices.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. Besides, I’m sure he’s going to love everything we picked. Cass and Rhys may fight over who’s the better Uncle though when they see those ones.” Yes. Elain had no doubt they would, and that Rhys would use that fact that her little bean would kick for him and not for Cass, the little devil. The lady at the counter had finished up, handing the last bag over, a small smile on her face as she looked to Elain.

“I’ve left your receipt in there and written my name down. I know that some newborns tend to not fit the newborn dedicated size and either need bigger sizes, or something made a little smaller. If that’s the case for you and your little one, just come back and ask for me, I’ll be happy to exchange them for what you need.” It was a shock, to say the least, that she wasn’t shaming Elain for having a baby so young, that she wasn’t looking down her nose at her. That’s all she’d gotten from peers at school whenever she encountered them anywhere now and she was so tired of it all, so it was nice. They both thanked her before turning to leave, Mor only letting Elain hold a few of the lighter bags. The others should all be home by now and she was excited to get there, to show them everything. Most importantly, she wanted to see the look on her boyfriend’s face when she showed him the outfit she’d selected, hoping to god that he liked it as much as she did.

oOoOo

Azriel looked up from where he was sitting at his desk in his room when Elain walked in, smiling brightly and cheeks flushed a little red. He couldn’t help but smile back, a feeling fluttering in his stomach at the sight of her so happy. The little pink bag she held rustled as she walked towards him, her belly bumping his arm a little when she reached him and he tilted his head back for a kiss. She obliged but it was a lot chaster than he would have liked after not seeing her all day. When they pulled apart he said, a little dreamily, “Hi baby.” Elain frowned, letting out a little hiss and for a moment he was confused, thinking that he’d done something wrong, until she put one of his hands to her lower belly and he felt three quick taps against his palm. He chuckled and rubbed the spot slowly. “Hello to you too, princess.” Her kicking slowed and Elain seemed to breathe a sigh of relief above him.

“She hasn’t stopped since we started to make our way home, I thought she never would. It’s a good thing she’s active though.” He smiled again, hand rubbing back and forth where he held her stomach, but that smiled dropped when he noticed she was looking at him oddly and biting her lip.

“Is something wrong?” Elain shook her head, a few rogue curls falling in front of her face and he reached up to tuck them behind her ear.

“No, but I have something I want to show you up here, before Mor wants you to come downstairs and show you the rest.”

“I have something for you too.” She rolled her eyes at him, because of course she would. She was the exact opposite of Mor who would likely shriek and clap her hands wildly at the news of getting a present.

“Something else? Mor told me about the credit card, and she wouldn’t even let me pay for my clothes.” He’d almost forgotten about the card.

“Just sit would you? Am I not allowed to do something nice for the girl I love? You show me yours first.” Elain giggled and sat on the bed, wiggling her brows, and Azriel stood to go and sit beside her. He was still a bit wobbly on his prosthetic every now and then, and it hurt him, more often than not but he was getting better. He would have to, if he wanted to be the father his baby girl deserved, if he wanted to help Elain with late night feeds and watch her when Elain needed rest when they became a family of three. Cassian and Rhys had been helping, messing about with him with the football outside like they used to do, to get him moving about and not constantly checking his leg. Nesta helped too, having him stand in the kitchen while she cooked and give her a hand. Of course if it became too much for him, he would sit and take a break but those breaks were happening less and less.

When he sat, Elain placed the little pink bag in his lap, and told him to open it. He smiled, a little confused and became even more so when he reached inside and his hand met soft fabric. His brows furrowed, pulling his hand back out and Azriel gasped when he realised what she had given him. The clothing was yellow, a pastel shade. There was a tiny little hat, even tinier socks and a small shirt and leggings. On the front of the shirt, surrounded by different coloured flowers, were the words ‘I Love My Daddy’. His breathing became unsteady as he ran his fingers over the letters, and the thought of a little girl with Elain’s nose and bright eyes invaded his mind. He felt wetness on his cheeks and Azriel hadn’t realised he was crying until a soft hand reached out, and brushed them away. Both of Elain’s hands fell to his bicep, curling around his arm as she laid her head on his shoulder. “As soon as I saw it, I had this image in my head, of you getting her dressed and making faces at her so that she giggled. There’s a bunch of other clothes and things downstairs, but this, this I wanted you to have for yourself.”

“I love it, Sunshine. I love you.” Elain tilted her head back and grinned so wide, it made him want to get on his knees and worship at her feet. She pushed herself up and touched her nose to his, rubbing from side to side and when he couldn’t take being so close but not close enough any longer, he closed the distance between them. Azriel kissed her softly, slowly, putting the clothes in his hands down, wrapping a hand around her waist as he pulled Elain down to lay back on the bed. Her hands were in his hair, grabbing and pulling, making him groan against her lips. He felt her bump press against him, when she pulled herself closer, one of her hands dropping to slip under his shirt and digging her nails into his ribs. She moaned when one of his hands grabbed her thigh, but she gasped when his fingers dug into her flesh. The sound made him pull back abruptly, panting and eyes wide. “Oh gods, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I got carried away, I shouldn’t have-”

“Stop, stop. Calm down, I’m okay, Az.” His eyes fluttered closed and he pressed his forehead against hers.

“I shouldn’t have taken it so far. I just wanted to kiss you.” She sighed, and it felt it against his skin, and a shiver ran down his spine.

“Why shouldn’t you have taken it further? Is it because I don’t look how I used to anymore?” His eyes flew open but she wasn’t looking back at him, only staring down at the bed sheets. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He placed his hand against her cheek and lifted her face back up so that they were eye to eye. “You’re as beautiful as you’ve ever been and I want you, all the damn time, maybe even more now. Feyre has seen the way I look at you sometimes, and she says it’s some alpha male shit, and being proud of getting you knocked up. I suppose she’s not entirely wrong.” Elain laughed at him and shook her head. “I stopped because I don’t want to hurt you, either of you. I’m terrified of losing control, Elain, and you are seven months along. I can’t- I can’t take that risk.” She looked like she wanted to argue with him. To tell him that she was strong, and that she wasn’t going to break if he touched her. But he knew that, logically he knew, but there was that one part of his brain that kept telling him that might and so for now he just couldn’t take it that far. Elain kissed him once, twice, three times before she nodded.

“Okay. Okay.” Her fingers started running up and down the skin of his hip, a feather light touch he could only just feel, and she changed the subject. “I believe you said you have something for me too.” Right, yes. This is what he had been waiting to do all day. Azriel turned and pulled open the top drawer of his bedside table, picking out what he needed and turning back to the girl beside him. There was a choked off sound when Elain saw what he held. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” The little blue velvet box felt so big in his hands and he rubbed his thumb backwards and forwards, before he flipped it open. It was his mother’s, his biological one. A ring she’d had as long as Azriel could remember. He thought it had been lost when she died in the fire, but he’d found it in the outhouse two years ago and had kept it safe up there since. Today before Elain had come back and after the hospital visit, he’d asked Cassian and Rhys if they wanted to go somewhere with him. His brother’s had agreed and Azriel gave Rhys directions to drive them up to the house. It was the first time he’d taken either of them there, but neither was bothered. They had stayed downstairs while he went up to get the ring and when he’d come back down, he’d kept the ring in his pocket so they couldn’t see. Cassian had made a comment about the house being a nice place and Rhys had figured out it was where he disappeared when things ever got too much. Before Azriel could even open his mouth, his brothers said that they would never come here unless they specifically asked him. They wouldn’t cross his boundaries like that. Another gasp brought him out of his reverie and he looked to see that Elain was practically hyperventilating.

“Baby, baby you have to breathe. Love, come on, deep breaths for me.” He held her hand to his ribs so she could follow his breathing. When she slowed, he kissed her cheek, before taking the hand on his ribs and placing the velvet box in her palm. When she opened her mouth to speak, he shushed her. “I know you’re panicking right now, I mean, why wouldn’t you?” Azriel took a deep breath, leaning in close enough so that he breathed the words against her lips, so that she could feel them. “It doesn’t have to mean what it does, not yet. I’m not going to ask you to marry me because I’m not selfish. You can think of this as a promise. A promise that no, I may not always be here, we know that anything can happen after the crash.” Elain took in a shuddering breath as she took the ring out of the box. It was a silver band, with an amethyst stone in the middle with two diamonds on either side. He didn’t know whether the diamonds were actually real, his mother never spoke about the ring, but he knew Elain probably wouldn’t care if he gave her a diamond ring or a ring pop. On the inside of the band, was an engraving that read ‘ _FOR MY LOVE. A LOVE THAT WILL LAST UNTIL WE ARE DUST_ _._ ’ He didn’t know who had given it to her, but Azriel assumed it was his father. “But even though I may not be there, you and little bean will always have a home, will always be taken care of. You are my whole life, the both of you and I am so, so grateful to be living this life with you. So no, it doesn’t have to be a proposal, if that’s not what you want right now.” His heart was pounding and it felt as though he’d just torn it from his chest and handed it to her. Elain turned the ring in her fingers, this way and that way, and Azriel’s breath caught when she slid it onto the ring finger of her left hand.

“Yes.” She whispered, so quietly, so gently that he could hardly hear her.

“What?”

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes.” Okay well, now he’d surely died and gone to heaven. Elain saw the apprehension on his face and she laughed wetly, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes. Her hands cupped his face, and he could feel the cool metal against the skin of his cheek. “I mean it. I’m saying yes. We may have to wait a while, but I don’t care what anyone thinks, I don’t care what people say. You are what I want, the future I picture for myself. You and- and Elise.”

“Elise?” He murmured.

“Morrigan told me your mom’s name was Annalise. I thought you might want to name our little bean after her, and I just so happened to think of that name in the car on the way home. That was before Mor told me about your mom. She asked me about names today and I realised that we had never actually talked about it.” When she saw him just staring at her, mouth just open like an idiot she said, “Say something.”

“I love it. Truly, I love it. And thank you, thank you for thinking of her.”

They held onto each other after that, for what felt like hours. They spoke a few times, each about their day, although Elain didn’t stop playing with her ring and he smiled when he caught her doing it. Mostly, it was just about being together. A few times she groaned when little bean- Elise –started wriggling and would only stop when he pushed his hand against the spot and leaned down to ask if she could give her Mama a break. He couldn’t wait for her to enter the world, to have these same conversations, but to be responded with a whole bunch of baby babble. Eventually, Mor started calling them from downstairs, that she couldn’t wait to show him all what she’d bought that day anymore. He groaned and Elain laughed, standing and holding out her hands to pull him up to his feet. He kissed her again before they made their way down the stairs, tried to deepen it when she kissed him back and only pulled back when she made a bet on who of their family would spot the ring first.

It was a good incentive to get him down the stairs.

Surprisingly he lost, and as it turns out, Cassian was very attentive to details when he wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah the fluff, oh how we love it. BUt also, maybe you should uh, enjoy it while it lasts?
> 
> Next chap goes up on March 6th! KUdos and Comments are appreciated and I thank you all for being so patient with me. Until next time lovlies<3

**Author's Note:**

> Love it? Hate it? Please do let me know, your feedback is greatly appreciated.


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